spring mini 1000 - day 1 and 2
Mar. 3rd, 2024 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zoomieyoI remember when I felt like march was so far away, and yet here we are! I was going to say a day late and a thousand words short, but why be critical? so instead,
hello march!!
I've been meaning to do a lot of writing and doing and putting pen to paper and finally saying, "yes I've made something!"
hrm. not quite right, I don't think. I usually like to leave mini 1000s as unedited as possible and I keep thinking about the phrase "a thousand measly words" in the sense that one thousand written words are better than one thousand unwritten words. I really feel the need to cover a lot of different ideas right now honestly...
so first, let's talk about the weather. its starting to get warm again, with the occasional dip into the cooler temps in the evening or on particularly breezy days. I feel this uneasiness again. its sunday evening, and I've been with my new job about a month. some days are particularly good, and I've only had a few rough days but something isn't quite jiving nicely internally. I want to stick it out though, mostly because I have no other plan for right now. there is something budding within me that I can't name yet. I'm also feeling uneasy about a topic I have to speak on tomorrow that I'm not really prepared for. there's a certain mixture of.. I'm not yet well versed enough on this, but I actually know more than I think. I don't want to give up on the job quite yet, mostly because it's not the right time yet, but I also think that I'm just getting nervous over something silly. there's a quiet comfort I can feel on certain days, where I know I made the right choice for now, but part of me longs for something a little bigger. which kind of ties back into where I started going at first right?
I had tweeted earlier today "i wanna shake up my life again. i wanna do smth big. maybe i apply for jet." I think I miss the sense of pursuing a bigger purpose. a longer and more drawn out destination than I currently have in mind. I'm not quite ready to be leadership again, but I think I need something to keep me going.. something to look forward to and something to commit to.
I want to start writing more. I want to create more. I want to set goals and have projects and things I'm working on and sharing about. id like to start doing weekly reports and work on essays maybe. I want to create with my hands and have some grander ambition. id like to have some daily creative practice and go back on artist dates and read books and watch movies and go on adventures by myself again. I wanna work up a sweat at the gym in the morning and again in the evening at the climbing gym. I want to post little vlogs and blogs and make art and trinkets and maybe open a little online shop. I wanna make zines, read tarot... I want to live a fuller life. I've become very boring these last 6 months. I was so worried about work and being stuck in a leadership position I wasn't quite ready for that I feel like I've forgotten how to live. I don't think I can keep living day to day, kind of floating along. I've been so listless and lazy these past few years because I think I ran myself into the ground. I'm a bit scared of being so committed to something again, because I keep thinking it has to be this external commitment, when really, I'm looking for commitment to myself. I wanna do a 2023 recap and I wanna live better in 2024. I've started a could of mood boards and reflecting sessions, but I do honestly get a little scared of them by the end. I feel like I look back and I'm like, how have I been living like this? the changes are so small and easy to make.
I'm so sure this aligns with a tarot spread I had done back in august of 23... I'm right on the edge of finding that new thing... the thing that brings so much growth for myself. perhaps its coming back to writing, and thus, coming back to myself. taking the time to really enjoy my self.. to enjoy my life.
I saw another tweet today saying "change is constant, reintroduce yourself." and to me it felt so personal in a, oh i need to journal about this and say hello to my heart again, to listen to her again. so....
hello again! I'm Zoë. I'm 24. I like to read, play video games, write about a variety of things, and i's trying to discover more about myself. I'm passionate about creating, and my fictional love, Rutile Flores. I like to go dancing and drink vodka, I enjoy sweets. I'm a goofball and a nerd, and I'm looking for love and to find someone to love and have a good time with. I want to do something big, but I'm not sure how that takes shape yet.
it feels good to sit with that. to describe how, who and what I am. it feels flavorful on my tongue in the same way that sun shines on your skin, kissing you with warm and hope, and a scattering of freckles.
I really want to do some more writing after this. nosebleed club on tumblr posts a prompt list every month that I keep missing, and I want to cross post some reflection questions. not really sure that cross post is a good way to explain it, but I wanna post some goals and reflections and blah blah blah etc etc etc.
I want to start doing a weekly report... I've seen one that goes a little like this: reading / eating / playing / obsessed /recommend / treat(martinamartian), and then i saw a different one recently that goes: reflecting / enjoying / playing / obsessing / recommending / treating(rowenatsai). not sure what format I'll end up following, but I think it could be a fun challenge in 1. paying attention to the week, and 2. making writing a more regular habit... I also want to do monthly recaps like I see others doing, but I feel like I'm so boring!!!! I actually started a whole essay about it, but got frustrated when the words wouldn't flow right.
I'm currently about halfway to my goal of two thousand words to make up day one and day two of mini 1000. I feel a little stumped since I've covered most of what makes me nervous and what I've been dwelling on. thinking about maybe transferring over the reflections questions and making a separate reflection post..... ok actually started to write it by copy pasting the questions and changed my mind. I think I'd rather go for gold and just keep writing until I reach two thousand words here.
what to talk about next? its funny to me that I always end up just shy of my needed word counts when doing these challenges. I either end up twenty or so words short, or its still half the needed requirement. I guess I'll go forward with current frustrations and daily happenings, and see where we go. maybe I end up doing reflection regardless and talk about all the goals and such that I have stewing around in my head at any given time.
I started a private little mood board on pinterest, and I've been slowly adding to it as I find things I like. I want to make a freeform board and move them all over there so I can draw and better categorize but when I go to save them, I feel like I am doing myself a disservice of not just printing them all out and cutting and pasting. I also feel like I'm so scattered when it comes to what I want to do.. I want to have more fun in my life and I want to feel like I'm working on something or striving towards something more. I feel like sometimes I want too much, but then I tamp it down with, it is only too much if you decide it is? what is too much?
I've lost whatever train of thought I was working on but mindlessly scrolling my twitter timeline before I committed to looking it up and lost it as soon as I saw the search bar. I feel like my attention has been so scattered by social media lately. I've been wanting to retreat within and just avoid everything until I can work out what this unnamed desire is. I wish and want to for things to be polished and for them to make sense, but I'm so scattered and unsure and I want to do so so much that I'm not even sure where to begin. I want to try my hand at sewing little plushies, decorating journal spreads, building a pc, learning to play bass again, lifting weights and rock climbing and being healthy, trying to get back into streaming, coding my own website, learning to draw or speak other languages, taking better care of myself and my body, having a consistent daily practice, writing and journaling more. I feel pulled in so many directions, compelled to try everything I can in fear of missing out on something or another... I want to play video games, read books, watch tv and movies, clean up my room, get my budget and goals and hobbies all sorted out... to go back to an old analogy of mine, I have all the puzzle pieces... I'm just too afraid to get started. augh. that's the root of it all. a fear of getting started, a fear of commitment, a lack of discipline. my room is full of half baked potentials. I've stepped away from my bubbling project pots in favor of doing... nothing? and yet? the orders and desires to do more and try more keep coming, trying my hand at blender, learning how to make gifs, making stickers and charms, trying cosplay... I remember I had read the alchemist and it changed the way I thought about all these desires and whims. how badly I wanted to listen to my heart and what it calls for.
goodness. I need to recuperate. need to do my best to try all of these things. keep pushing past failure, keep pressing on towards greatness. its less about talent, and more about my commitment to my ideas and myself and what I want to do, less about talent, more about doing the thing that you've thought about, regardless of outcome. that twist of satisfaction in saying I did it. it feels silly when I put it like this. it feels silly that I haven't done more with myself thus far. for a while I thought that vagueness could help me, in getting things done. I thought that the general direction would be enough. it is not. I have to sit and plan something and then, just do something until it all starts to fall into place. that single lone piece that helps the puzzle come into focus.
there are so many ideas and essays I want to revisit. I want to start a book club. actually maybe I don't. a book club of one ahahaha, I just want to read more and have a place to discuss it. I wanna catch up on all the movies I missed, watch a bunch of anime on my list. I want to play some games on a pc I built to handle them, since I missed out on them so long ago. I wanna create a website and have a newsletter and share stuff. maybe start a tiny online shop to sell what I draw or craft or create. I wanna make videos and get back into streaming. I wanna live this full vibrant life and yet I feel like I'm too afraid to step out of the shadow of want... and into the light of doing.
it goes around and around and around in a circle like this. I always say I want I want I want but never do and its just a weak and flimsy protection against the fear of getting out of my comfort zone. I have to grit my teeth and stand up towards the light. this has taken on a touch too depressing, team speechy...
somehow, I've managed to exceed my word count but I still have more to say! I just don't know what yet! there's really so much to talk about now that I've laid it all out like this.... the start of something new, I suppose....
aurgh. I actually started to wrap this up but there's just something bothering me that I know if I start writing it'll come out naturally... I was looking over my old dreamwidth posts and thinking about how personal this is, and how badly I've been wanting to say it all for so long. it really has been so cathartic to write this all out. I worry it's a touch too personal and rambly and doesn't have much direction or thought so AUGH.... there's a bit of fear to post now that I've hit word count... I started to write up the stats for it, word count, reading time, and it's college graduate level writing according to the word counter I'm using. sigh. maybe it will come to me... maybe it won't. I guess if there's something else I can always tack it on as an edit. but I guess for now, this is it.
stats:
word count: 2,330 words
reading time: 8 minutes, 28 seconds
hello march!!
I've been meaning to do a lot of writing and doing and putting pen to paper and finally saying, "yes I've made something!"
hrm. not quite right, I don't think. I usually like to leave mini 1000s as unedited as possible and I keep thinking about the phrase "a thousand measly words" in the sense that one thousand written words are better than one thousand unwritten words. I really feel the need to cover a lot of different ideas right now honestly...
so first, let's talk about the weather. its starting to get warm again, with the occasional dip into the cooler temps in the evening or on particularly breezy days. I feel this uneasiness again. its sunday evening, and I've been with my new job about a month. some days are particularly good, and I've only had a few rough days but something isn't quite jiving nicely internally. I want to stick it out though, mostly because I have no other plan for right now. there is something budding within me that I can't name yet. I'm also feeling uneasy about a topic I have to speak on tomorrow that I'm not really prepared for. there's a certain mixture of.. I'm not yet well versed enough on this, but I actually know more than I think. I don't want to give up on the job quite yet, mostly because it's not the right time yet, but I also think that I'm just getting nervous over something silly. there's a quiet comfort I can feel on certain days, where I know I made the right choice for now, but part of me longs for something a little bigger. which kind of ties back into where I started going at first right?
I had tweeted earlier today "i wanna shake up my life again. i wanna do smth big. maybe i apply for jet." I think I miss the sense of pursuing a bigger purpose. a longer and more drawn out destination than I currently have in mind. I'm not quite ready to be leadership again, but I think I need something to keep me going.. something to look forward to and something to commit to.
I want to start writing more. I want to create more. I want to set goals and have projects and things I'm working on and sharing about. id like to start doing weekly reports and work on essays maybe. I want to create with my hands and have some grander ambition. id like to have some daily creative practice and go back on artist dates and read books and watch movies and go on adventures by myself again. I wanna work up a sweat at the gym in the morning and again in the evening at the climbing gym. I want to post little vlogs and blogs and make art and trinkets and maybe open a little online shop. I wanna make zines, read tarot... I want to live a fuller life. I've become very boring these last 6 months. I was so worried about work and being stuck in a leadership position I wasn't quite ready for that I feel like I've forgotten how to live. I don't think I can keep living day to day, kind of floating along. I've been so listless and lazy these past few years because I think I ran myself into the ground. I'm a bit scared of being so committed to something again, because I keep thinking it has to be this external commitment, when really, I'm looking for commitment to myself. I wanna do a 2023 recap and I wanna live better in 2024. I've started a could of mood boards and reflecting sessions, but I do honestly get a little scared of them by the end. I feel like I look back and I'm like, how have I been living like this? the changes are so small and easy to make.
I'm so sure this aligns with a tarot spread I had done back in august of 23... I'm right on the edge of finding that new thing... the thing that brings so much growth for myself. perhaps its coming back to writing, and thus, coming back to myself. taking the time to really enjoy my self.. to enjoy my life.
I saw another tweet today saying "change is constant, reintroduce yourself." and to me it felt so personal in a, oh i need to journal about this and say hello to my heart again, to listen to her again. so....
hello again! I'm Zoë. I'm 24. I like to read, play video games, write about a variety of things, and i's trying to discover more about myself. I'm passionate about creating, and my fictional love, Rutile Flores. I like to go dancing and drink vodka, I enjoy sweets. I'm a goofball and a nerd, and I'm looking for love and to find someone to love and have a good time with. I want to do something big, but I'm not sure how that takes shape yet.
it feels good to sit with that. to describe how, who and what I am. it feels flavorful on my tongue in the same way that sun shines on your skin, kissing you with warm and hope, and a scattering of freckles.
I really want to do some more writing after this. nosebleed club on tumblr posts a prompt list every month that I keep missing, and I want to cross post some reflection questions. not really sure that cross post is a good way to explain it, but I wanna post some goals and reflections and blah blah blah etc etc etc.
I want to start doing a weekly report... I've seen one that goes a little like this: reading / eating / playing / obsessed /recommend / treat(martinamartian), and then i saw a different one recently that goes: reflecting / enjoying / playing / obsessing / recommending / treating(rowenatsai). not sure what format I'll end up following, but I think it could be a fun challenge in 1. paying attention to the week, and 2. making writing a more regular habit... I also want to do monthly recaps like I see others doing, but I feel like I'm so boring!!!! I actually started a whole essay about it, but got frustrated when the words wouldn't flow right.
I'm currently about halfway to my goal of two thousand words to make up day one and day two of mini 1000. I feel a little stumped since I've covered most of what makes me nervous and what I've been dwelling on. thinking about maybe transferring over the reflections questions and making a separate reflection post..... ok actually started to write it by copy pasting the questions and changed my mind. I think I'd rather go for gold and just keep writing until I reach two thousand words here.
what to talk about next? its funny to me that I always end up just shy of my needed word counts when doing these challenges. I either end up twenty or so words short, or its still half the needed requirement. I guess I'll go forward with current frustrations and daily happenings, and see where we go. maybe I end up doing reflection regardless and talk about all the goals and such that I have stewing around in my head at any given time.
I started a private little mood board on pinterest, and I've been slowly adding to it as I find things I like. I want to make a freeform board and move them all over there so I can draw and better categorize but when I go to save them, I feel like I am doing myself a disservice of not just printing them all out and cutting and pasting. I also feel like I'm so scattered when it comes to what I want to do.. I want to have more fun in my life and I want to feel like I'm working on something or striving towards something more. I feel like sometimes I want too much, but then I tamp it down with, it is only too much if you decide it is? what is too much?
I've lost whatever train of thought I was working on but mindlessly scrolling my twitter timeline before I committed to looking it up and lost it as soon as I saw the search bar. I feel like my attention has been so scattered by social media lately. I've been wanting to retreat within and just avoid everything until I can work out what this unnamed desire is. I wish and want to for things to be polished and for them to make sense, but I'm so scattered and unsure and I want to do so so much that I'm not even sure where to begin. I want to try my hand at sewing little plushies, decorating journal spreads, building a pc, learning to play bass again, lifting weights and rock climbing and being healthy, trying to get back into streaming, coding my own website, learning to draw or speak other languages, taking better care of myself and my body, having a consistent daily practice, writing and journaling more. I feel pulled in so many directions, compelled to try everything I can in fear of missing out on something or another... I want to play video games, read books, watch tv and movies, clean up my room, get my budget and goals and hobbies all sorted out... to go back to an old analogy of mine, I have all the puzzle pieces... I'm just too afraid to get started. augh. that's the root of it all. a fear of getting started, a fear of commitment, a lack of discipline. my room is full of half baked potentials. I've stepped away from my bubbling project pots in favor of doing... nothing? and yet? the orders and desires to do more and try more keep coming, trying my hand at blender, learning how to make gifs, making stickers and charms, trying cosplay... I remember I had read the alchemist and it changed the way I thought about all these desires and whims. how badly I wanted to listen to my heart and what it calls for.
goodness. I need to recuperate. need to do my best to try all of these things. keep pushing past failure, keep pressing on towards greatness. its less about talent, and more about my commitment to my ideas and myself and what I want to do, less about talent, more about doing the thing that you've thought about, regardless of outcome. that twist of satisfaction in saying I did it. it feels silly when I put it like this. it feels silly that I haven't done more with myself thus far. for a while I thought that vagueness could help me, in getting things done. I thought that the general direction would be enough. it is not. I have to sit and plan something and then, just do something until it all starts to fall into place. that single lone piece that helps the puzzle come into focus.
there are so many ideas and essays I want to revisit. I want to start a book club. actually maybe I don't. a book club of one ahahaha, I just want to read more and have a place to discuss it. I wanna catch up on all the movies I missed, watch a bunch of anime on my list. I want to play some games on a pc I built to handle them, since I missed out on them so long ago. I wanna create a website and have a newsletter and share stuff. maybe start a tiny online shop to sell what I draw or craft or create. I wanna make videos and get back into streaming. I wanna live this full vibrant life and yet I feel like I'm too afraid to step out of the shadow of want... and into the light of doing.
it goes around and around and around in a circle like this. I always say I want I want I want but never do and its just a weak and flimsy protection against the fear of getting out of my comfort zone. I have to grit my teeth and stand up towards the light. this has taken on a touch too depressing, team speechy...
somehow, I've managed to exceed my word count but I still have more to say! I just don't know what yet! there's really so much to talk about now that I've laid it all out like this.... the start of something new, I suppose....
aurgh. I actually started to wrap this up but there's just something bothering me that I know if I start writing it'll come out naturally... I was looking over my old dreamwidth posts and thinking about how personal this is, and how badly I've been wanting to say it all for so long. it really has been so cathartic to write this all out. I worry it's a touch too personal and rambly and doesn't have much direction or thought so AUGH.... there's a bit of fear to post now that I've hit word count... I started to write up the stats for it, word count, reading time, and it's college graduate level writing according to the word counter I'm using. sigh. maybe it will come to me... maybe it won't. I guess if there's something else I can always tack it on as an edit. but I guess for now, this is it.
stats:
word count: 2,330 words
reading time: 8 minutes, 28 seconds
