mid year (…?) recap
Aug. 10th, 2023 10:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zoomieyois august too late for a mid year recap…..
how do you recap half of the year that you weren’t really intentional with?
at the beginning of the year i set these core values:
core values
each subpoint was supposed to feed into the idea of being more present in my life- something i found that over the past few years i had been lacking. i didnt feel like i was present in my life- choosing to float along and let things happen to me. i thought through the active efforts of choosing to create, choosing joy, choosing myself, choosing to share, and choosing what to write, i would find that certain magic i felt i had disconnected from. i started the year off keeping media logs of what i had been consuming, choosing to actually follow media again after a long absence from it.
however, the beginning of the year seemed to drift by as i didn’t have much going on other than work and school. january and february both have short drafts for month recaps where i just kind of note that it doesnt feel like im making any progress in my life other than a lot of work and trying to finish up school, march rolls by with no notes on anything. april splashes in with two trips: one out to watch my brothers graduation in phoenix and a family vacation cruise to Roatan, Belize, and Cozumel. may passes like the turn of a page and june raises the curtain with a trip to dallas to see my favorite band (waterparks) followed by a tour closing hometown show from joan. it ends with a flurry of writing for #1000 words of summer. july limped by in an interesting mix of a really intense work schedule punctuated by sunbathing at the pool as the month draws to a close. as the middle of august creeps closer, i feel a certain excitement for life as my birthday draws in and another vacation.
at the beginning of the year i wanted to focus on being more present in my life- i felt like i wasnt being meaningful with my time or energy. i thought that the way to get that back was to focus in on small details about my life and taking the time to really cultivate what i wanted my life to look like. i dont know that i really embodied all the ideas and concepts i wanted to work on. despite that, i think that i did enjoy the beginning of the year despite how it felt like i was still stuck. c. once advised that you feel a certain stagnancy before a big change- almost like that fresh rain smell before it actually starts to rain. i dont know that ive really reconnected with the magic i thought i was hunting for- instead ive starting finding it in sunlit pockets, just carefully darting around corners. its surreal that im at the cusp of my 24th year of life.. theres something to be said about this idea of finding yourself and knowing who you are at 24. i dont know what it really is yet, but i hope i can find out.
i think that as i approach the last four and a half months of the year (can you believe it?), i want to go back to these core values. i think that ive been doing better about being present- i take the time to play ball with the dog, to sit in the sun and listen to music, to write, to read, to enjoy my time and create space for myself. i turn 24 in a handful of days, and i keep having the same thought bubble up: what is the shape that i want it to look like?
in multiple areas of my life i want more- more art, more adventures, more spirituality, more more more. i say that i want more or that i want it to feel different, but how does that actually look? how would i describe the difference between who i am now, to who i will be then? i used to describe some of my frustrations with self as if i had the outline of a picture, but no picture within-an idea of self without real value. i feel like ive gone from having a strict outline of self to a more vague shape. i dont think i can define the boundaries of who i am because i no longer want to box myself into a certain shape. i dont know what shape i want to look like yet.
following the core values, i had a short list of intentions. these were supposed to be actions to take in order to meet and fulfill the core values i had.
these were a little less well thought out compared to my core values… and suffered for it. i think these were really closer to a “core values 2.0.” they weren’t actually as actionable as i thought they would be so i never actually followed through on doing any of these things. i started short drafts for media tracking, but didn’t do any journal posting. i did a lot of writing, but never shared it. my knowledge pursuit ended with my last semester and ive only recently started truly working on exploring my creativity. this is the area where life needs a bit of work- getting up and just getting started.
however, in my planner i had detailed the intentions a bit differently:
i think that these were my effort at being more specific and structured to make the intentions truly actionable. but i feel like they kind of read too business-y to the point that i didnt really use these either.. both sets of intentions remind me of the part of me that longs to have a pretty instagramable planner and notebook setup. to have an interesting and neat blog, or a pretty and artfully tagged social media… theres part of me that really wants to have this pretty and polished and buttoned up shareable version of me. i think this hinders my writing frequently as i cant find the right balance of well put together and authentic. its definitely there, i just cant quite find the right shape or structure for it yet.
i like to do this thing where i binge a lot of media all at once and then go months without any significant interest. i also like to start shows and never finish them, or leave books and games stuck dwelling either on a wishlist or in a “to read/play” purgatory. so, media tracking seemed like a good solution, until i found that i didnt really make time to enjoy stuff OR actually write down what i was consuming. i also found that i couldn’t create commentary/analysis/etc on something during my first read because i wanted to just enjoy the work. i also have a tendency to get super fully invested and focused on something until my interest eventually evens out and i can actually be More Normal about it.
the short (and incomplete) list of stuff ive interacted with so far:
watching
bullet train
sing a bit of harmony
black atom
witcher s2
firestarter
parts of vikings of valhallah
wednesday
physical 100
everything everywhere all at once
stranger things s4
peaky blinders
warrior nun s1 and half of s2
queens gambit
the ice guy and his cool female colleague
life lessons with uramichi oniisan
suzume
various movie rewatches on tv
pride and prejudice
heavens officials blessing eps 1-5
mdzs ep 1
reading
delicious in dungeon
heterogenica lingistico
steam reverie in amber
assorted poetry
can ci pin, started
scum villain self saving system
grandmaster of demonic cultivation
heavens officials blessing
the husky and his white cat shizun, started
stars of chaos, started
lots of fanfic…
playing
persona 5 royal (unfinished after engine room)
ooblets (completed!)
potion permit (completed!)
my time at portia (dropped)
yonder: the cloud catcher chronicles (completed!)
harvestella (completed!)
atelier ryza (playing!)
listening
intellectual property
so much for stardust
hunny
rightfield
joan
knox
idk i should probs just get last.fm premium and import my stats.
ok so looking at this list ive actually. consumed more than i remembered and as i was filling it out i kept remembering more so. idk second half of the year (four months z not even second half of the year) ill do better about tracking my stuff (^_^)b and maybe ill be able to start doing more than just tracking and ill write some reviews or smth.
and looking forward too…
aug - bday!!!
aug - bday cruise
aug - the wldlife concert
should hobbies get its own subsection or…? i havent done any fun hobby work at all except like two fun little deco spreads in my hobonichi and a little bit of bass playing way back in the beginning of the year. havent done cheesecake review, havent cooked anything, no crafts or art projects recently… hrm. eventually hobbies will get its own section but ive been more concerned with media consumption rather than hobby output…. hopefully it changes soon.
do i. make a goals and challenges section. do i set goals for the last four months of the year or just stick with my intentions…. also do i recap like. 12th house year and talk about tarot and astrology even though im just barely dipping my toes into it. because this year MAN. maybe i just give it its own space and write up a whole birthday thing and post this recap as is.
i went in writing this unsure of what the thesis was, but its clearly “the shape of what i want it to look like.” i feel like i go back and forth on the idea of knowing versus not knowing what it is that im wanting. but, if im really honest with myself? i know the shape of what i want it to look like and i know what i want the inside picture to be. theres a very clear recognition of self in this piece- i can notice how the way that ive lived so far, a bit listless and a bit afraid to voice what i want, isnt suiting me anymore.
the core values and the intentions and even my own projections, whims, projects and desires all form the shape of what i want. ive always had a certain.. alignment? when it comes to what i want to pursue. c. complimented me once on how i can so certainly call myself something once ive decided that i am that, how i can so easily tack on another title to the way i describe myself: writer, bass player, artist, etc. i kinda feel like i need to rework the whole thing now but im also kind of at a point where i like what i did do.. so i might just leave it and go forward with the knowledge that i do know the shape of what i want it to look like.
i think theres also some good essay nuggets in here that ill probably have to review and write up more on later. i also think there’s a lot of dropped ideas and not so great transitions between topics. i might have to rework the thesis and do a proper write up because as i keep editing this im like. i could do so much better with this LOL. ill probably just rework some of this into my birthday post wahoo (^_^)/‘
commentary:
how do you recap half of the year that you weren’t really intentional with?
at the beginning of the year i set these core values:
core values
- being present in my life
- cultivating creativity
- running towards joy
- existing better
- meaningful documentation
- in public pursuit
- authenticity in all that i pursue
each subpoint was supposed to feed into the idea of being more present in my life- something i found that over the past few years i had been lacking. i didnt feel like i was present in my life- choosing to float along and let things happen to me. i thought through the active efforts of choosing to create, choosing joy, choosing myself, choosing to share, and choosing what to write, i would find that certain magic i felt i had disconnected from. i started the year off keeping media logs of what i had been consuming, choosing to actually follow media again after a long absence from it.
however, the beginning of the year seemed to drift by as i didn’t have much going on other than work and school. january and february both have short drafts for month recaps where i just kind of note that it doesnt feel like im making any progress in my life other than a lot of work and trying to finish up school, march rolls by with no notes on anything. april splashes in with two trips: one out to watch my brothers graduation in phoenix and a family vacation cruise to Roatan, Belize, and Cozumel. may passes like the turn of a page and june raises the curtain with a trip to dallas to see my favorite band (waterparks) followed by a tour closing hometown show from joan. it ends with a flurry of writing for #1000 words of summer. july limped by in an interesting mix of a really intense work schedule punctuated by sunbathing at the pool as the month draws to a close. as the middle of august creeps closer, i feel a certain excitement for life as my birthday draws in and another vacation.
at the beginning of the year i wanted to focus on being more present in my life- i felt like i wasnt being meaningful with my time or energy. i thought that the way to get that back was to focus in on small details about my life and taking the time to really cultivate what i wanted my life to look like. i dont know that i really embodied all the ideas and concepts i wanted to work on. despite that, i think that i did enjoy the beginning of the year despite how it felt like i was still stuck. c. once advised that you feel a certain stagnancy before a big change- almost like that fresh rain smell before it actually starts to rain. i dont know that ive really reconnected with the magic i thought i was hunting for- instead ive starting finding it in sunlit pockets, just carefully darting around corners. its surreal that im at the cusp of my 24th year of life.. theres something to be said about this idea of finding yourself and knowing who you are at 24. i dont know what it really is yet, but i hope i can find out.
i think that as i approach the last four and a half months of the year (can you believe it?), i want to go back to these core values. i think that ive been doing better about being present- i take the time to play ball with the dog, to sit in the sun and listen to music, to write, to read, to enjoy my time and create space for myself. i turn 24 in a handful of days, and i keep having the same thought bubble up: what is the shape that i want it to look like?
in multiple areas of my life i want more- more art, more adventures, more spirituality, more more more. i say that i want more or that i want it to feel different, but how does that actually look? how would i describe the difference between who i am now, to who i will be then? i used to describe some of my frustrations with self as if i had the outline of a picture, but no picture within-an idea of self without real value. i feel like ive gone from having a strict outline of self to a more vague shape. i dont think i can define the boundaries of who i am because i no longer want to box myself into a certain shape. i dont know what shape i want to look like yet.
following the core values, i had a short list of intentions. these were supposed to be actions to take in order to meet and fulfill the core values i had.
- monthly long form journal posting- media/monthly recaps that encourage me to document and be present in my life. will include currently playing, reading, watching, listening, and then updates on projects and hobbies as necessary. would like a section also detailing the month in review. include any highlight/noteworthy events or happenings
- tracking- in an effort to establish more structure, id like to tracking more aspects of my life, including habits, budget, and what im consuming.
- knowledge pursuit- working towards learning a language, and creating a personal knowledge system to store ideas, lists, and thoughts.
- creativity- working towards actually exploring my creativity.
these were a little less well thought out compared to my core values… and suffered for it. i think these were really closer to a “core values 2.0.” they weren’t actually as actionable as i thought they would be so i never actually followed through on doing any of these things. i started short drafts for media tracking, but didn’t do any journal posting. i did a lot of writing, but never shared it. my knowledge pursuit ended with my last semester and ive only recently started truly working on exploring my creativity. this is the area where life needs a bit of work- getting up and just getting started.
however, in my planner i had detailed the intentions a bit differently:
- purposeful life documentation
- establish structure through intention driven tracking
- structuring knowledge work with function and passion in mind
- exploration of creative hobbies/ideas/pursuits
i think that these were my effort at being more specific and structured to make the intentions truly actionable. but i feel like they kind of read too business-y to the point that i didnt really use these either.. both sets of intentions remind me of the part of me that longs to have a pretty instagramable planner and notebook setup. to have an interesting and neat blog, or a pretty and artfully tagged social media… theres part of me that really wants to have this pretty and polished and buttoned up shareable version of me. i think this hinders my writing frequently as i cant find the right balance of well put together and authentic. its definitely there, i just cant quite find the right shape or structure for it yet.
media recap:
i like to do this thing where i binge a lot of media all at once and then go months without any significant interest. i also like to start shows and never finish them, or leave books and games stuck dwelling either on a wishlist or in a “to read/play” purgatory. so, media tracking seemed like a good solution, until i found that i didnt really make time to enjoy stuff OR actually write down what i was consuming. i also found that i couldn’t create commentary/analysis/etc on something during my first read because i wanted to just enjoy the work. i also have a tendency to get super fully invested and focused on something until my interest eventually evens out and i can actually be More Normal about it.
the short (and incomplete) list of stuff ive interacted with so far:
watching
reading
playing
listening
ok so looking at this list ive actually. consumed more than i remembered and as i was filling it out i kept remembering more so. idk second half of the year (four months z not even second half of the year) ill do better about tracking my stuff (^_^)b and maybe ill be able to start doing more than just tracking and ill write some reviews or smth.
highlights:
- feb - anime convention
- tried to con crunch my first cosplay
- apr - trip to phoenix
- little brother graduated
- apr - family cruise
- snorkeled for the first time
- jun - graduated w bachelors degree!!!
- jun - waterparks concert and dallas trip
- trip with my bestie e., went to 2 museums, an aquarium, had some yummy food
- jun - joan concert
- made a new friend d.!!! phone free concert, photos (and autograph!!) with rightfield, amazing time
- jun - evening trip to hot springs
- caught up with aunt who was visiting and had a lot of fun drinking in the lobby
- jun - #1000 words of summer
- completed 10/14 days!!! (might backdate post???)
- jul - started the artist way
and looking forward too…
other (hobbies and goals):
should hobbies get its own subsection or…? i havent done any fun hobby work at all except like two fun little deco spreads in my hobonichi and a little bit of bass playing way back in the beginning of the year. havent done cheesecake review, havent cooked anything, no crafts or art projects recently… hrm. eventually hobbies will get its own section but ive been more concerned with media consumption rather than hobby output…. hopefully it changes soon.
do i. make a goals and challenges section. do i set goals for the last four months of the year or just stick with my intentions…. also do i recap like. 12th house year and talk about tarot and astrology even though im just barely dipping my toes into it. because this year MAN. maybe i just give it its own space and write up a whole birthday thing and post this recap as is.
i went in writing this unsure of what the thesis was, but its clearly “the shape of what i want it to look like.” i feel like i go back and forth on the idea of knowing versus not knowing what it is that im wanting. but, if im really honest with myself? i know the shape of what i want it to look like and i know what i want the inside picture to be. theres a very clear recognition of self in this piece- i can notice how the way that ive lived so far, a bit listless and a bit afraid to voice what i want, isnt suiting me anymore.
the core values and the intentions and even my own projections, whims, projects and desires all form the shape of what i want. ive always had a certain.. alignment? when it comes to what i want to pursue. c. complimented me once on how i can so certainly call myself something once ive decided that i am that, how i can so easily tack on another title to the way i describe myself: writer, bass player, artist, etc. i kinda feel like i need to rework the whole thing now but im also kind of at a point where i like what i did do.. so i might just leave it and go forward with the knowledge that i do know the shape of what i want it to look like.
i think theres also some good essay nuggets in here that ill probably have to review and write up more on later. i also think there’s a lot of dropped ideas and not so great transitions between topics. i might have to rework the thesis and do a proper write up because as i keep editing this im like. i could do so much better with this LOL. ill probably just rework some of this into my birthday post wahoo (^_^)/‘
