abandoned newsletters
Apr. 27th, 2022 08:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zoomieyoI've now drafted 8 different first posts for my lovely little newsletter and yet, I find myself already hesitating again on what I want it to be. Is is silly that I ran to dreamwidth to write out the feelings? why am I afraid of sharing my voice online?
here they all are! i probably will go back some day and write these out but i feel bad theyve just been left to rot on substack drafts.
focus points: making time, doing the things you love, writing writing writing, chasing the dream, endless inspirations.
welcome to in public pursuit. it was nearly 5 am when I decided I would spend 40 ish minutes “writing” half processed scribbles with one eye still desperately clinging to the rest I tore it from. my “writing” was interrupted by two more attempts at sleep and then getting back up to write more. it came from the kind from dreams that feel so profound in the moment that you’d lose if you didn’t put pen to paper and keep them around for more coherent revision later on.
cultivation
I have been struggling with the start to this newsletter. The newsletter itself was easy to set up: I had a name, a general sense of what I wanted to do, and the platform to host it on. but when I sat down to actually write, I found myself doubting the point of the newsletter. I remember asking: who am I even writing for? after 3 days of self doubt, the conclusion I have come to is that I’m writing for myself- no matter how bad it is. a full front to back page of those raw unfiltered scribbles is me trusting my own voice of creating and accepting that I won’t be able to crawl back into bed with my old cat.
two parts of this dream hit me with enough fear and inspiration to get out of bed despite the ac running in my room. I don’t remember if I woke up and asked “what do you do when you’ve made a home on the internet? what do you do when you no longer feel comfortable?” but my answer came in the form of an old lady gesturing at a building saying:
sometimes a home is built for you, and sometimes you have to tear down it down and rebuild it brick by brick to build something better
as much as I have always wanted to be a beautiful and polished thing with consistent branding, I just don’t think it’s as authentic to who I am. I can no longer stifle myself wanting to be easy and digestible. by defining and accepting that I’m writing the newsletter for myself, it released the burden and fear I had. I feel excited to write the rest of the pieces I have in my drafts, to explore my creative talent. to let go of my own expectations and just be. I’ve realized that creativity is not the novel, beautiful thing I’ve always thought it was. it is dragging yourself out of bed three times to sit down and write before you lose that string of words that feels so profound. it’s working through and refining each word you put down. it’s how your brain races with ideas as you lay in bed and then getting up before everyone else in the house. its the small quite moments where all the pieces fall together. I should just do what I can to actually make a newsletter I’m proud of.
the second half of my dream is decidedly ugly. I remember that I was doing some kind of social media scroll when I stumbled across a friend of mine creating a newsletter as well. I remember it made me feel so frustrated that I had missed my chance. I think the point of this part of the dream was to remind me that if I don’t pursue the things I want, someone else will. it also serves a bit to feed my competitive nature I think?
I’ve also been struggling recently with questions like: “do you actually want to do these things or can you just admire others?” and “why are you so afraid to try?” I don’t want to struggle with these things any longer. I’ve decided to just create and explore for the sake of creating and exploring. in public pursuit exists as a creative outlet and a way to explore the things I want. after that dream, this is my commitment to my newsletter- create a place I’m comfortable.
curation
as I struggled to find the point of my newsletter I checked out these ones: Mason Currey’s “Advice on building creative stamina” and “What if your ambition outstrips your talent;” Adam Ferguson’s “The Photos You Have to Leave Behind;” Leia Jospe’s “camera roll diary;” and Wesley Verhoeve’s “Processing Life’s Challenges through Photography”
I also have to give a huge shoutout to jess at “dessin” for even inspiring me to really commit to a newsletter. the idea for a newsletter had been rattling around in my brain for a few weeks by the time the first post went up. I really like a lot of what jess says so I’d highly recommend checking it out.
been listening to a bit of jrap again recently with my end of summer playlist “summer wind.” it’s kind of short and really I’ve been listening more to Creepy Nuts’ new album “Case” and Take-M’s single “Wake up on garbage”
decided to go back to my paper planner routes thanks to this video from Peter McKinnon. he describes the challenge of holding yourself accountable by crossing off all of your to-do list items. its really focused on moving forwards toward your goals.
I love watching mini dollhouse videos or the resin diorama ones so here’s two recent ones I watched. (makes me want to try this as a hobby)
creation
not really much project process to report on honestly. I guess in publishing this first entry to the newsletter, it counts as making progress! I have a few ideas in the works as of right now, but nothing super concrete yet.
this is the end for now. I hope you enjoyed my analysis of my dream and promise to continue the newsletter. I look forward to where this newsletter takes me and what it grows to be. I’ve spent nearly two hours writing this morning! I hope you enjoyed!
yours truly,
zoe.
I don’t think I made this quote up but the only related quote I found was from a book I’ve never read
this is actually more to this and it is part of a challenge I did a bit of research on but decided it wasn’t for me. Its the 75Hard challenge if you’re interested.
in - expressed or written in a particular way
public - allowing anyone to see or hear what is happening
pursuit - the act of trying to achieve a plan, activity, or situation, usually over a long period and done when not working
“the act of trying to achieve something for anyone to see and hear”
the idea behind “in public pursuit.” a creative exploration and documentation of my attempt at achieving…. something. but what is something? what am i trying to achieve?
finding my creative voice. this intro has gone through many iterations and none of them have worked (clearly).
(insert photo of journal notes)
so in public pursuit is really my act of trying to find my creative voice, published as a newsletter for any and all to read.
before realizing this, I would bloat the intro with multipart goals and expected checklists with clear cut boundaries. even during this first draft, theres segments of forced structure and ideas- dreams and skeletons of a polished beautiful thing. but for now, in public pursuit is really a gateway. a half edited highlight reel of an attempt of finding myself and my creative voice. a documentation of musings and notes, snippets of projects and progress, and letters to a void full of fanciful ideas.
for now, i must continue to fulfill my desire for a gorgeous and well put together newsletter. its time will come but i must prepare it slowly, piece by piece, thought by thought. it doesnt have to be pretty and perfect- i think i would rather it not for the sake of authenticity and my own growth. i feel like this has taken on a bit of a somber tone, not the exciting and bright idea i had imagined. i hope to get there soon but until then, ill enjoy what i think is a pretty good intro.
(photo college- thought the sunset was fitting for the mood of this)
before i go, id like to introduce myself. im zoe. yes, just like that. with the period and all. i describe myself as a multimedia hobbyist with a passion for writing. i love to go adventure and explore, try new crafts and hobbies, play games and live my life as if im the main character of a coming of age film. im terribly enamored with the idea of a dream life and trying to make it my reality. i appreciate you taking the time to read this and spending time here with me.
id like to warmly welcome you to in public pursuit- my ongoing attempt at cultivating and curating my creative voice and dream life.
until next time,
zoe.
hi there. welcome to in public pursuit.
I’ve come to find that nothing is ever going to feel quite right, and that the best way to live is to simply rip the band-aid off. as far as execution goes, I have always been one to wait until the edge of the band-aid is curling and a little gross before attempting a slow and gentle pull that ineffectively peels the band-aid from my skin with as little pain as possible. but, I’ve never really been one for jumping in feet first.
which I think is indicative of the state of this newsletter. considering I attempted to start in public pursuit back in September and abandoned 6 different “first drafts,” I’d say I’ve yet to rip the band-aid off. I look back at those entries and wonder why I even hesitated in posting them. all things considered, they would have been lovely first attempts. earnest little pieces of me trying to sort through my own expectations and abilities in execution. it really is so sweet to reflect back on that unbridled excitement and frustrating attempt to create what I think a newsletter should be. lots of them reference the other abandoned drafts, mentioning the struggle I went through to even create one. I think it’s sweet I couldn’t kill those darlings without short obituaries in the others. some are structured, polished pieces with just a hint of lifelessness, while others are more rambling attempts at being “authentic.” it’s nice to see that I’m still doing the same thing, trying to lay to rest the previous attempts by acknowledging them now.
I have a wonderfully terrible habit of starting and not finishing things or getting all of the materials collected and letting them sit unfinished.
over the summer, I listened to a lot of alternative indie pop, and explored random listographys. recently, I’ve found myself immersed in these things again: I have a couple new playlists I want to make, I just bought supplies to make an anime journal, I’m in a new penpal group, and listography is on my list of considerations for daily blogging. for some reason, all these things have a warm summer sunshine feeling in my heart. I think its the idea of potential.
I’ve been feeling restless a lot lately- a terrible jittery feeling of wasting time and not doing enough. but now, as I write this up, I feel an overwhelming surge of potential- I think about all the things I want this newsletter to become, projects I want to take on, and who I want to become. in an effort to make my existence better, I have to do more than just think. I’ve been trying for some time now to write a newsletter and various original character stories, attempt new hobbies or rekindle old hobbies, find my creative voice… the list goes on. I’ve been running in the same mental circles for a while now… and the only way to change is to do it. I just have to take the leap of faith and try my best. will it match the ideas I have in my head? probably not, but sitting and waiting won’t make it happen either.
the effort of doing + the idea of potential = the act of existing better
it doesn’t really matter what I do, more that I actually stop thinking and actually just do something. I want to create something with meaning and polish with the intent to share. but, does it really matter? do those things actually matter to me? are those the things that I want to matter to me? I have many old versions of a first newsletter but clearly none of them made the cut. even now, I wonder if this version I write will make the cut? I want to find my creative voice, explore sharing online, trying new things, just existing better than I have been.
studio space
I’ve been very obsessed with the idea of studios lately. I’m toying with the idea of a digital studio. I bounce between different blogging sites and the need to exert some creative control over what the site looks like (my desire to learn to code!) and the ease of using something simple (my love of listography or write.as!) create a constant battle in my mind. not sure that I’ve quite found what I’m looking for but I did love making my carrd site (check it out here!). the idea had existed as a sketch in one of my planners for a bit, but I couldn’t figure out what to use the layout for. the idea hit me tonight, and I tweaked it a bit to it’s current state. I’m very pleased with it for now, but I would like to add some color or maybe a pattern. regardless- taking the time to finish it, and to leave the potential for more was very satisfying this evening. I will eventually create a pretty and polished portfolio.
I long for a physical studio. in my mind, it’s washed in warm sunlight, a very cozy and artsy academic space full of all the things I love- a place of potential. that’s what I think I look forward to more than anything: potential. the studios exist as a place full of potential and purpose. new ideas, new projects, new goals and hobbies… they’re both teeming with life. that’s what I’m looking for.
creating;
carrd
anime journal, papercraft ideas
listography
pin collecting
workflows
instagram, write.as, dreamwidth
recently;
article about maker vs manager
make art not content memento mori
alt indie playlist - esp flor, joan, landon conrath
artemeus class101 class
what we do in the shadows
ted talk about four pillars
thanks so much for reading! and until next time!
yours truly,
zoe.
welcome to in public pursuit. an honest attempt at finding my creative voice. this is now the fourth time i’ve tried to introduce this newsletter and i’m considering just scraping the whole idea I had for it. i’m not sure if this is my own discouragement talking now, but I wonder if I’m simply trying too hard. in an old version of this introduction, I talk about a dream I had; I explain the different parts of the newsletter; and I tried my hand at simply just starting. none of them felt quite right. there’s an honesty missing, a part of me that is just a bit too refined, not rough enough around the edges of the piece.
shortly before starting this piece, I said “maybe I’m not meant for sharing online.” part of me wonders if I’ve turned this
hi there and welcome to the introduction of in public pursuit- a biweekly-ish newsletter of semi-curated musings and observations. I’m zoe, a 22 year old trying to be proud of the life I’m living.
the newsletter has three segments:
cultivation- musings and observations written essay style
curation- a collection of interesting things I find between newsletters
creation- a progress check in of sorts.
and a few goals:
keep a newsletter for the sake of keeping a newsletter
encourage a writing
actually share work online
these may seem like silly, vain goals. however, I think that in pursuing the things you want, you have to accept that you are a little silly and a bit vain. let’s talk a bit about the format of the newsletter by defining some terms.
[insert backpacker photo- preferably yourself!]
cultivation | the act of trying to develop and improve something / the act of making a special effort to establish and develop friendship
this section features short essay with some minor editing.
a few months ago, I shared my idea of “cultivation and creation” with a good friend of mine. at the time, I didn’t really have a
curation | the selection of something such as documents, music, or internet content to be included as part of a list or collection or on a website
this segment of the newsletter will be like any other- sharing interesting things I stumble across on the internet. I originally planned to have a separate section for things I was currently consuming but as I sat and prepared this entry, I kind of realized the “currently” section to combine it with this curation section. I want this section to encourage me to branch out and find more interesting things to consume, since I tend to gravitate towards things I’ve already read.
creation | the act of creating something / the act or process of making, producing, or building something
these two definitions inspire me to write another entry (so look out for that one coming in the future). but of course, this idea hits close to home as a self described hobbyist. I tend to gravitate towards more creatively aligned media- I like watching studio vlogs, following writers and artists, etc. etc. This section is going to act a biweekly progress check-in for myself and maybe a bit of that axed “currently” section I mentioned.
of course, this also highly aligns with the the whole point of the newsletter and focuses pretty heavily on what will be the first topic for the first real entry of my newsletter. I feel like jess over at dessin really hits the nail on the head with “quitting like a comet shower” which you should go give a read. it talks about fear with creating and the relationship with it.
a proof of concept for the “collections” segment. I really enjoyed putting this together on canva.
pursuit | an activity that you spend time doing, usually when you are not working / the act of trying to achieve a plan, activity, or situation, usually over a long period of time
my initial idea for a newsletter focused on the idea of being known and the pursuit of having a following on the internet. specifically, the phrase “in public pursuit” was a journal entry I started about the topic. the only (relevant) thing in the entry was:
i’m thinking of starting my newsletter. but I’m still afraid of all it is that I want to be.
to continue on public pursuit… what is it that I want?
the end, for now
I was afraid that in wanting to define all of the key words, I would end up having to change elements of the newsletter. I was pretty set on using this specific terms. I’m glad all of the definitions really align with what I was wanting to do with the newsletter.
wow! I’ve pretty much said everything I drafted out so I guess for now, this is the end? I ended up procrastinating homework for this because I was having so much fun. thanks so much for reading this far, and in the future, I’ll probably have a much better ending. I guess this is the part where if you enjoyed, please consider supporting this newsletter by subscribing, liking, leaving a comment, and sharing with a friend (I feel like a youtuber! how funny.)
since we are at the end, I’d like to once again welcome you to my newsletter, “in public pursuit.” farewell, dear reader!
yours truly,
zoe.
all of the following definitions are from Cambridge dictionary.
cultivation
maybe I take myself a little too seriously. or maybe it’s part of the fear of strangers on the internet that my parents instilled in me when I was young. regardless, for me, there has always been a hesitation in sharing who I am on the internet. even now, after committing to a newsletter and asking “who am I writing for?”
todays subtitle is taken from jess at dessin. when i started this one, i was still in the middle of writing the first two entries for this newsletter when jess published “quitting as a comet shower” and ended with the phrase “to talk to the sun” and it really resonated with me. enough to start this entry and help me guide what the next topic of choice is- what excites you? what makes you happy?
“maybe one day ill learn its okay to love with all of your heart” is a note i had written down for a long time and what better place to explore things i love than in my own newsletter
here they all are! i probably will go back some day and write these out but i feel bad theyve just been left to rot on substack drafts.
a beginners guide on how to do it all
a short and friendly how to on achieving your dreams.focus points: making time, doing the things you love, writing writing writing, chasing the dream, endless inspirations.
the dream that sent me into a 5 am writing episode
who am i writing for?welcome to in public pursuit. it was nearly 5 am when I decided I would spend 40 ish minutes “writing” half processed scribbles with one eye still desperately clinging to the rest I tore it from. my “writing” was interrupted by two more attempts at sleep and then getting back up to write more. it came from the kind from dreams that feel so profound in the moment that you’d lose if you didn’t put pen to paper and keep them around for more coherent revision later on.
cultivation
I have been struggling with the start to this newsletter. The newsletter itself was easy to set up: I had a name, a general sense of what I wanted to do, and the platform to host it on. but when I sat down to actually write, I found myself doubting the point of the newsletter. I remember asking: who am I even writing for? after 3 days of self doubt, the conclusion I have come to is that I’m writing for myself- no matter how bad it is. a full front to back page of those raw unfiltered scribbles is me trusting my own voice of creating and accepting that I won’t be able to crawl back into bed with my old cat.
two parts of this dream hit me with enough fear and inspiration to get out of bed despite the ac running in my room. I don’t remember if I woke up and asked “what do you do when you’ve made a home on the internet? what do you do when you no longer feel comfortable?” but my answer came in the form of an old lady gesturing at a building saying:
sometimes a home is built for you, and sometimes you have to tear down it down and rebuild it brick by brick to build something better
as much as I have always wanted to be a beautiful and polished thing with consistent branding, I just don’t think it’s as authentic to who I am. I can no longer stifle myself wanting to be easy and digestible. by defining and accepting that I’m writing the newsletter for myself, it released the burden and fear I had. I feel excited to write the rest of the pieces I have in my drafts, to explore my creative talent. to let go of my own expectations and just be. I’ve realized that creativity is not the novel, beautiful thing I’ve always thought it was. it is dragging yourself out of bed three times to sit down and write before you lose that string of words that feels so profound. it’s working through and refining each word you put down. it’s how your brain races with ideas as you lay in bed and then getting up before everyone else in the house. its the small quite moments where all the pieces fall together. I should just do what I can to actually make a newsletter I’m proud of.
the second half of my dream is decidedly ugly. I remember that I was doing some kind of social media scroll when I stumbled across a friend of mine creating a newsletter as well. I remember it made me feel so frustrated that I had missed my chance. I think the point of this part of the dream was to remind me that if I don’t pursue the things I want, someone else will. it also serves a bit to feed my competitive nature I think?
I’ve also been struggling recently with questions like: “do you actually want to do these things or can you just admire others?” and “why are you so afraid to try?” I don’t want to struggle with these things any longer. I’ve decided to just create and explore for the sake of creating and exploring. in public pursuit exists as a creative outlet and a way to explore the things I want. after that dream, this is my commitment to my newsletter- create a place I’m comfortable.
curation
as I struggled to find the point of my newsletter I checked out these ones: Mason Currey’s “Advice on building creative stamina” and “What if your ambition outstrips your talent;” Adam Ferguson’s “The Photos You Have to Leave Behind;” Leia Jospe’s “camera roll diary;” and Wesley Verhoeve’s “Processing Life’s Challenges through Photography”
I also have to give a huge shoutout to jess at “dessin” for even inspiring me to really commit to a newsletter. the idea for a newsletter had been rattling around in my brain for a few weeks by the time the first post went up. I really like a lot of what jess says so I’d highly recommend checking it out.
been listening to a bit of jrap again recently with my end of summer playlist “summer wind.” it’s kind of short and really I’ve been listening more to Creepy Nuts’ new album “Case” and Take-M’s single “Wake up on garbage”
decided to go back to my paper planner routes thanks to this video from Peter McKinnon. he describes the challenge of holding yourself accountable by crossing off all of your to-do list items. its really focused on moving forwards toward your goals.
I love watching mini dollhouse videos or the resin diorama ones so here’s two recent ones I watched. (makes me want to try this as a hobby)
creation
not really much project process to report on honestly. I guess in publishing this first entry to the newsletter, it counts as making progress! I have a few ideas in the works as of right now, but nothing super concrete yet.
this is the end for now. I hope you enjoyed my analysis of my dream and promise to continue the newsletter. I look forward to where this newsletter takes me and what it grows to be. I’ve spent nearly two hours writing this morning! I hope you enjoyed!
yours truly,
zoe.
I don’t think I made this quote up but the only related quote I found was from a book I’ve never read
this is actually more to this and it is part of a challenge I did a bit of research on but decided it wasn’t for me. Its the 75Hard challenge if you’re interested.
editing the highlight reel
prologue: and im doing alright, but it alright enough?in - expressed or written in a particular way
public - allowing anyone to see or hear what is happening
pursuit - the act of trying to achieve a plan, activity, or situation, usually over a long period and done when not working
“the act of trying to achieve something for anyone to see and hear”
the idea behind “in public pursuit.” a creative exploration and documentation of my attempt at achieving…. something. but what is something? what am i trying to achieve?
finding my creative voice. this intro has gone through many iterations and none of them have worked (clearly).
(insert photo of journal notes)
so in public pursuit is really my act of trying to find my creative voice, published as a newsletter for any and all to read.
before realizing this, I would bloat the intro with multipart goals and expected checklists with clear cut boundaries. even during this first draft, theres segments of forced structure and ideas- dreams and skeletons of a polished beautiful thing. but for now, in public pursuit is really a gateway. a half edited highlight reel of an attempt of finding myself and my creative voice. a documentation of musings and notes, snippets of projects and progress, and letters to a void full of fanciful ideas.
for now, i must continue to fulfill my desire for a gorgeous and well put together newsletter. its time will come but i must prepare it slowly, piece by piece, thought by thought. it doesnt have to be pretty and perfect- i think i would rather it not for the sake of authenticity and my own growth. i feel like this has taken on a bit of a somber tone, not the exciting and bright idea i had imagined. i hope to get there soon but until then, ill enjoy what i think is a pretty good intro.
(photo college- thought the sunset was fitting for the mood of this)
before i go, id like to introduce myself. im zoe. yes, just like that. with the period and all. i describe myself as a multimedia hobbyist with a passion for writing. i love to go adventure and explore, try new crafts and hobbies, play games and live my life as if im the main character of a coming of age film. im terribly enamored with the idea of a dream life and trying to make it my reality. i appreciate you taking the time to read this and spending time here with me.
id like to warmly welcome you to in public pursuit- my ongoing attempt at cultivating and curating my creative voice and dream life.
until next time,
zoe.
the phenomenon of firsts
or, the best way to start is to simply get up and do something.hi there. welcome to in public pursuit.
I’ve come to find that nothing is ever going to feel quite right, and that the best way to live is to simply rip the band-aid off. as far as execution goes, I have always been one to wait until the edge of the band-aid is curling and a little gross before attempting a slow and gentle pull that ineffectively peels the band-aid from my skin with as little pain as possible. but, I’ve never really been one for jumping in feet first.
which I think is indicative of the state of this newsletter. considering I attempted to start in public pursuit back in September and abandoned 6 different “first drafts,” I’d say I’ve yet to rip the band-aid off. I look back at those entries and wonder why I even hesitated in posting them. all things considered, they would have been lovely first attempts. earnest little pieces of me trying to sort through my own expectations and abilities in execution. it really is so sweet to reflect back on that unbridled excitement and frustrating attempt to create what I think a newsletter should be. lots of them reference the other abandoned drafts, mentioning the struggle I went through to even create one. I think it’s sweet I couldn’t kill those darlings without short obituaries in the others. some are structured, polished pieces with just a hint of lifelessness, while others are more rambling attempts at being “authentic.” it’s nice to see that I’m still doing the same thing, trying to lay to rest the previous attempts by acknowledging them now.
I have a wonderfully terrible habit of starting and not finishing things or getting all of the materials collected and letting them sit unfinished.
thoughts on existing better
welcome to in public pursuit.over the summer, I listened to a lot of alternative indie pop, and explored random listographys. recently, I’ve found myself immersed in these things again: I have a couple new playlists I want to make, I just bought supplies to make an anime journal, I’m in a new penpal group, and listography is on my list of considerations for daily blogging. for some reason, all these things have a warm summer sunshine feeling in my heart. I think its the idea of potential.
I’ve been feeling restless a lot lately- a terrible jittery feeling of wasting time and not doing enough. but now, as I write this up, I feel an overwhelming surge of potential- I think about all the things I want this newsletter to become, projects I want to take on, and who I want to become. in an effort to make my existence better, I have to do more than just think. I’ve been trying for some time now to write a newsletter and various original character stories, attempt new hobbies or rekindle old hobbies, find my creative voice… the list goes on. I’ve been running in the same mental circles for a while now… and the only way to change is to do it. I just have to take the leap of faith and try my best. will it match the ideas I have in my head? probably not, but sitting and waiting won’t make it happen either.
the effort of doing + the idea of potential = the act of existing better
it doesn’t really matter what I do, more that I actually stop thinking and actually just do something. I want to create something with meaning and polish with the intent to share. but, does it really matter? do those things actually matter to me? are those the things that I want to matter to me? I have many old versions of a first newsletter but clearly none of them made the cut. even now, I wonder if this version I write will make the cut? I want to find my creative voice, explore sharing online, trying new things, just existing better than I have been.
studio space
I’ve been very obsessed with the idea of studios lately. I’m toying with the idea of a digital studio. I bounce between different blogging sites and the need to exert some creative control over what the site looks like (my desire to learn to code!) and the ease of using something simple (my love of listography or write.as!) create a constant battle in my mind. not sure that I’ve quite found what I’m looking for but I did love making my carrd site (check it out here!). the idea had existed as a sketch in one of my planners for a bit, but I couldn’t figure out what to use the layout for. the idea hit me tonight, and I tweaked it a bit to it’s current state. I’m very pleased with it for now, but I would like to add some color or maybe a pattern. regardless- taking the time to finish it, and to leave the potential for more was very satisfying this evening. I will eventually create a pretty and polished portfolio.
I long for a physical studio. in my mind, it’s washed in warm sunlight, a very cozy and artsy academic space full of all the things I love- a place of potential. that’s what I think I look forward to more than anything: potential. the studios exist as a place full of potential and purpose. new ideas, new projects, new goals and hobbies… they’re both teeming with life. that’s what I’m looking for.
creating;
carrd
anime journal, papercraft ideas
listography
pin collecting
workflows
instagram, write.as, dreamwidth
recently;
article about maker vs manager
make art not content memento mori
alt indie playlist - esp flor, joan, landon conrath
artemeus class101 class
what we do in the shadows
ted talk about four pillars
thanks so much for reading! and until next time!
yours truly,
zoe.
running towards the joy that will change my life
do you think you can do it- become all that you dream to be?welcome to in public pursuit. an honest attempt at finding my creative voice. this is now the fourth time i’ve tried to introduce this newsletter and i’m considering just scraping the whole idea I had for it. i’m not sure if this is my own discouragement talking now, but I wonder if I’m simply trying too hard. in an old version of this introduction, I talk about a dream I had; I explain the different parts of the newsletter; and I tried my hand at simply just starting. none of them felt quite right. there’s an honesty missing, a part of me that is just a bit too refined, not rough enough around the edges of the piece.
shortly before starting this piece, I said “maybe I’m not meant for sharing online.” part of me wonders if I’ve turned this
prologue what is in public pursuit
prologue: what is "in public pursuit?"hi there and welcome to the introduction of in public pursuit- a biweekly-ish newsletter of semi-curated musings and observations. I’m zoe, a 22 year old trying to be proud of the life I’m living.
the newsletter has three segments:
cultivation- musings and observations written essay style
curation- a collection of interesting things I find between newsletters
creation- a progress check in of sorts.
and a few goals:
keep a newsletter for the sake of keeping a newsletter
encourage a writing
actually share work online
these may seem like silly, vain goals. however, I think that in pursuing the things you want, you have to accept that you are a little silly and a bit vain. let’s talk a bit about the format of the newsletter by defining some terms.
[insert backpacker photo- preferably yourself!]
cultivation | the act of trying to develop and improve something / the act of making a special effort to establish and develop friendship
this section features short essay with some minor editing.
a few months ago, I shared my idea of “cultivation and creation” with a good friend of mine. at the time, I didn’t really have a
curation | the selection of something such as documents, music, or internet content to be included as part of a list or collection or on a website
this segment of the newsletter will be like any other- sharing interesting things I stumble across on the internet. I originally planned to have a separate section for things I was currently consuming but as I sat and prepared this entry, I kind of realized the “currently” section to combine it with this curation section. I want this section to encourage me to branch out and find more interesting things to consume, since I tend to gravitate towards things I’ve already read.
creation | the act of creating something / the act or process of making, producing, or building something
these two definitions inspire me to write another entry (so look out for that one coming in the future). but of course, this idea hits close to home as a self described hobbyist. I tend to gravitate towards more creatively aligned media- I like watching studio vlogs, following writers and artists, etc. etc. This section is going to act a biweekly progress check-in for myself and maybe a bit of that axed “currently” section I mentioned.
of course, this also highly aligns with the the whole point of the newsletter and focuses pretty heavily on what will be the first topic for the first real entry of my newsletter. I feel like jess over at dessin really hits the nail on the head with “quitting like a comet shower” which you should go give a read. it talks about fear with creating and the relationship with it.
a proof of concept for the “collections” segment. I really enjoyed putting this together on canva.
pursuit | an activity that you spend time doing, usually when you are not working / the act of trying to achieve a plan, activity, or situation, usually over a long period of time
my initial idea for a newsletter focused on the idea of being known and the pursuit of having a following on the internet. specifically, the phrase “in public pursuit” was a journal entry I started about the topic. the only (relevant) thing in the entry was:
i’m thinking of starting my newsletter. but I’m still afraid of all it is that I want to be.
to continue on public pursuit… what is it that I want?
the end, for now
I was afraid that in wanting to define all of the key words, I would end up having to change elements of the newsletter. I was pretty set on using this specific terms. I’m glad all of the definitions really align with what I was wanting to do with the newsletter.
wow! I’ve pretty much said everything I drafted out so I guess for now, this is the end? I ended up procrastinating homework for this because I was having so much fun. thanks so much for reading this far, and in the future, I’ll probably have a much better ending. I guess this is the part where if you enjoyed, please consider supporting this newsletter by subscribing, liking, leaving a comment, and sharing with a friend (I feel like a youtuber! how funny.)
since we are at the end, I’d like to once again welcome you to my newsletter, “in public pursuit.” farewell, dear reader!
yours truly,
zoe.
all of the following definitions are from Cambridge dictionary.
the concept of being known
part i: do you actually have to be interesting to share online?cultivation
maybe I take myself a little too seriously. or maybe it’s part of the fear of strangers on the internet that my parents instilled in me when I was young. regardless, for me, there has always been a hesitation in sharing who I am on the internet. even now, after committing to a newsletter and asking “who am I writing for?”
you must first not be so afraid to live
part ii: are you happy with your current reality?todays subtitle is taken from jess at dessin. when i started this one, i was still in the middle of writing the first two entries for this newsletter when jess published “quitting as a comet shower” and ended with the phrase “to talk to the sun” and it really resonated with me. enough to start this entry and help me guide what the next topic of choice is- what excites you? what makes you happy?
people just want a chance to sit and talk
part v: observations about community and conversationi think its human nature to create
part iv: why do you smother your own dreams?its okay to love with all your heart
part iii: do you ever see something with so much love it makes you cry?“maybe one day ill learn its okay to love with all of your heart” is a note i had written down for a long time and what better place to explore things i love than in my own newsletter
