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Apr. 21st, 2026 03:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zoomieyoi was gonna make this a vent-y kinda thread in one of the discords im in but uhhh topic actually fits so well here on my dreamwidth soooo
long time no see… aka the way i start like every reporter entry lately. it shouldnt bother me to spread out my posting but it really feels like a deep personal failure when im not writing. how do i call myself an artist/writer when im not doing either.
anyway, things have been well. ive just been boring again… my life is pretty much all work and school, and now the semester is winding down. ive done some journaling and some decos here and there. did a bit of coding for a quarterly bulletin that i might just say fuck it and back date post it.. i have an additional fun 50 yearly questions thing that is also ready to go…
all this writing was spurred on by the loveliest instagram account lifewith.ren who is so cute and inspiring to me!! but a story post triggered some jealousy/fomo/life is passing me by… to which i wanted to go vent/rant/sort out thoughts on discord but instead came here (well actually i came to obsidian first…). the story post was about how she loves vlogs but has always wanted to be a gaming streamer. AND SO DO I !!!!!!! i saw a post on instagram? or maybe it was an article? it is an an article but its ultimately about AI.. but the headline (no one stole your idea, you just took too long) caught my attention and thats been floating around in my brain. and then before bed i saw this post about ”spamming yourself with your vision” and well. it all boils down to: living a productive life means nothing if im not creating… which uhhh is actually what bubbled up as i was writing this and this is all over the place. but i missed writing stream of consciousness like this. so. getting back to all the stuff before the payoff….
im writing this on my lunch, and theres multiple things i noticed:
1) i love including links to what im talking about
2) i forgot to mention all the other cool lovely things ive been doing with my time instead of writing that are included in the aforementioned drafts i have:
a) im training to compete in a bodybuilding competition, so im tracking my macros. lunch today was a premade chicken cordon bleu and id like to try to make one thats macro friendly (lowfat cheese and lowfat???? ham?? does that exist..)
b) im nearly done with my mba…?????? im reapplying for law school??????? i have to retake the lsat again….?????
c) i built my pc :’) only took me 6 years and every part crisis imaginable…
d) i “remodelled” my new room.. we (dad and i) scraped the popcorn ceiling off, primered and repainted the walls, ripped out the carpet and put down vinyl, installed a new fan and light in the closet, installed quarter-rounds, and will eventually rewire a couple of the plugs… this project took ~roughly a month? we did a lot of the work over my spring break. im all moved in and i love love loveeee it!!!!
e) besides all of that. all my time was pretty filled up with school work… and work work… there was two mini vacays in there too.. i saw bbno$ and jvb again… i went to dallas for a love and deepspace valentines market…
so all that to say its not like i havent been doing stuff… just not art or writing stuff.
getting back to the main topic regarding this story post about vlogging and streaming. i want to do both under the long term zoomieyo studio brand idea… i want to have fun and do geeky stuff on zeeebiey.. i want i want i want… i hate saying i want to… i want to be.. i dont want to long for it… (manifestation & speaking in the present tense ridiculousness)
obsidian is acting so strange right now and its PISSING ME OFF !!!!!! mobile obsidian guahhhhh… its not letting me scroll??????
i want to make stuff. i want to learn new things. i want to do so much more art and i want to live fully and freely and i really really really wanna do it all but its not possible or realistic to try and cram in everything all at once, you know? but idk how to break it down into one bite at a time and im always so torn between sharing my dreams and not sharing them. theres two conflicting theories: talking about your dreams triggers the same part of your brain as fulfilling your dreams so you never actually achieve them if you talk about them too much. VS you have to talk about your dreams 1) so the universe can hear you (sorry to get woo-woo about it) 2) by telling people about your dreams, they can connect you with a) more people who can help you or b) your target audience. theres some balance of both… but i clearly have yet to find it. and so i dont talk about them at all because then i also get crazy in the head… i should have already done this (vs you didnt have the lessons. so you couldnt have started) BUT THIS IS THE YOUNGEST ILL EVER BE. i have to start now!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so then i play the game of starting and stopping and theres no sustainment. I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!
it feels like a fraud to say “i am someone who creates and makes art and manages it all” i guess for now i can sub in, “i am now becoming an artist, a writer, a badass,” etc etc.
and then you look at this… and i think. huh wow. i should probably do the artists way again. maybe i really should run book club here and do these discussion questions and post them as part of reporter every week. which i also want to bring back. and i hope you also look at this and you can see my crazy thought hopping and you still think. wow. zee is so crazy and so interesting. i will continue to study her under a microscope. (in case anyone is astrologically inclined, i am a leo sun, a libra moon, and a capricorn rising. i know. additionally if you are versed in charts. i want to learn from U !!!!!!)
part of me is like. wow zee this is the side you dont really like to show are u sure you wanna post. and like. yes. but also. no. but also. who tf even reads my blog… its a blog… and its under a cut tag on a niche microblog site so. its probably fine.
i just once again want to do cool stuff and be cooler and have more fun. i have that deep itch that i need to create create create. i want to find… balance? in being traditionally successful (and thus being secure, and being able to afford a living.. and move out of my parents house… still have money to spend on silly things) and also creating. to make art and post stuff online for fun (and maybe for money too) and try new skills and make a bunch of stuff. but i also. i want art to always be fun and not my living so i can make whatever i want… the studio is supposed to be where i can experiment.. and my day job pays the bills and i can sink extra into the studio as i want. i want the studio to be self sufficient to the point that i can…. buy supplies and toys and try new hobbies. id love to vend at art markets and have a little side hustle online store of all the stuff i made. id like to stream games, and make vlogs- day in the life, sketchbook/journal tours, vending/store vlogs. id love to have a cute little setup- my desk, my online store and studio. id write a newsletter and this blog and whatever else ig. id have room to create. i wouldnt care about the numbers so much. just have fun most of all.
A DREAM DOESNT HAVE TO BE REALISTIC….. im sitting here writing it all out and im slowly starting to shrink my dream. it may not all work out exactly but it will work out the way it needs too. and sometimes you think youll want one thing but something else better comes along.. it doesnt hurt to dream big… sigh. i need to do a proper version of this prompt… its along the lines of like “if you didnt have to worry, what would you do?” id make art and have a little business off of it, but id have a nice career and cute husband and some kids in the future. thats the practical dream right?
but for now, before the kids and the husband (who ill meet along the way), i start my studio, and i make stuff and i have fun. i work hard in law school, land a decent job, and stream and make vlogs and try out hobbies and get skills. i turn the studio in a real physical place with enough room for all the supplies and parts, with multiple areas and desks to be crafty or geeky and its decorated CUTEEEE. it has all my merch and my books… it has a mail pick up.. i wouldnt mind an inperson store space… i love love loveeee annie’s physical studio setup at lucky bunny and sprinkle trinkle town. seeing it in person during the lads valentines event i was like. oh my god. this is real and possible. in my mind… zoomieyo is like a blend of annie’s and ren’s and ru’s and so so many others… i think about tuzi.studio too. GUAAAAAAA. IF THEY CAN DO IT!!! WHY CANT I!!!!!!!!! big enough to make a little money from it, but not so big that its my… whole life?? i dont want to lose the creative spark to having to please a bunch of people. i just want to make stuff and have fun and it be self sustaining that i can do it as much as i want!!!!!!
okay… the fever has left me. this is what i mean when i say i want to be cooler… to do cool things… now the question is, whats the first step to making it happen….
long time no see… aka the way i start like every reporter entry lately. it shouldnt bother me to spread out my posting but it really feels like a deep personal failure when im not writing. how do i call myself an artist/writer when im not doing either.
anyway, things have been well. ive just been boring again… my life is pretty much all work and school, and now the semester is winding down. ive done some journaling and some decos here and there. did a bit of coding for a quarterly bulletin that i might just say fuck it and back date post it.. i have an additional fun 50 yearly questions thing that is also ready to go…
all this writing was spurred on by the loveliest instagram account lifewith.ren who is so cute and inspiring to me!! but a story post triggered some jealousy/fomo/life is passing me by… to which i wanted to go vent/rant/sort out thoughts on discord but instead came here (well actually i came to obsidian first…). the story post was about how she loves vlogs but has always wanted to be a gaming streamer. AND SO DO I !!!!!!! i saw a post on instagram? or maybe it was an article? it is an an article but its ultimately about AI.. but the headline (no one stole your idea, you just took too long) caught my attention and thats been floating around in my brain. and then before bed i saw this post about ”spamming yourself with your vision” and well. it all boils down to: living a productive life means nothing if im not creating… which uhhh is actually what bubbled up as i was writing this and this is all over the place. but i missed writing stream of consciousness like this. so. getting back to all the stuff before the payoff….
im writing this on my lunch, and theres multiple things i noticed:
1) i love including links to what im talking about
2) i forgot to mention all the other cool lovely things ive been doing with my time instead of writing that are included in the aforementioned drafts i have:
a) im training to compete in a bodybuilding competition, so im tracking my macros. lunch today was a premade chicken cordon bleu and id like to try to make one thats macro friendly (lowfat cheese and lowfat???? ham?? does that exist..)
b) im nearly done with my mba…?????? im reapplying for law school??????? i have to retake the lsat again….?????
c) i built my pc :’) only took me 6 years and every part crisis imaginable…
d) i “remodelled” my new room.. we (dad and i) scraped the popcorn ceiling off, primered and repainted the walls, ripped out the carpet and put down vinyl, installed a new fan and light in the closet, installed quarter-rounds, and will eventually rewire a couple of the plugs… this project took ~roughly a month? we did a lot of the work over my spring break. im all moved in and i love love loveeee it!!!!
e) besides all of that. all my time was pretty filled up with school work… and work work… there was two mini vacays in there too.. i saw bbno$ and jvb again… i went to dallas for a love and deepspace valentines market…
so all that to say its not like i havent been doing stuff… just not art or writing stuff.
getting back to the main topic regarding this story post about vlogging and streaming. i want to do both under the long term zoomieyo studio brand idea… i want to have fun and do geeky stuff on zeeebiey.. i want i want i want… i hate saying i want to… i want to be.. i dont want to long for it… (manifestation & speaking in the present tense ridiculousness)
obsidian is acting so strange right now and its PISSING ME OFF !!!!!! mobile obsidian guahhhhh… its not letting me scroll??????
i want to make stuff. i want to learn new things. i want to do so much more art and i want to live fully and freely and i really really really wanna do it all but its not possible or realistic to try and cram in everything all at once, you know? but idk how to break it down into one bite at a time and im always so torn between sharing my dreams and not sharing them. theres two conflicting theories: talking about your dreams triggers the same part of your brain as fulfilling your dreams so you never actually achieve them if you talk about them too much. VS you have to talk about your dreams 1) so the universe can hear you (sorry to get woo-woo about it) 2) by telling people about your dreams, they can connect you with a) more people who can help you or b) your target audience. theres some balance of both… but i clearly have yet to find it. and so i dont talk about them at all because then i also get crazy in the head… i should have already done this (vs you didnt have the lessons. so you couldnt have started) BUT THIS IS THE YOUNGEST ILL EVER BE. i have to start now!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so then i play the game of starting and stopping and theres no sustainment. I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!
it feels like a fraud to say “i am someone who creates and makes art and manages it all” i guess for now i can sub in, “i am now becoming an artist, a writer, a badass,” etc etc.
and then you look at this… and i think. huh wow. i should probably do the artists way again. maybe i really should run book club here and do these discussion questions and post them as part of reporter every week. which i also want to bring back. and i hope you also look at this and you can see my crazy thought hopping and you still think. wow. zee is so crazy and so interesting. i will continue to study her under a microscope. (in case anyone is astrologically inclined, i am a leo sun, a libra moon, and a capricorn rising. i know. additionally if you are versed in charts. i want to learn from U !!!!!!)
part of me is like. wow zee this is the side you dont really like to show are u sure you wanna post. and like. yes. but also. no. but also. who tf even reads my blog… its a blog… and its under a cut tag on a niche microblog site so. its probably fine.
i just once again want to do cool stuff and be cooler and have more fun. i have that deep itch that i need to create create create. i want to find… balance? in being traditionally successful (and thus being secure, and being able to afford a living.. and move out of my parents house… still have money to spend on silly things) and also creating. to make art and post stuff online for fun (and maybe for money too) and try new skills and make a bunch of stuff. but i also. i want art to always be fun and not my living so i can make whatever i want… the studio is supposed to be where i can experiment.. and my day job pays the bills and i can sink extra into the studio as i want. i want the studio to be self sufficient to the point that i can…. buy supplies and toys and try new hobbies. id love to vend at art markets and have a little side hustle online store of all the stuff i made. id like to stream games, and make vlogs- day in the life, sketchbook/journal tours, vending/store vlogs. id love to have a cute little setup- my desk, my online store and studio. id write a newsletter and this blog and whatever else ig. id have room to create. i wouldnt care about the numbers so much. just have fun most of all.
A DREAM DOESNT HAVE TO BE REALISTIC….. im sitting here writing it all out and im slowly starting to shrink my dream. it may not all work out exactly but it will work out the way it needs too. and sometimes you think youll want one thing but something else better comes along.. it doesnt hurt to dream big… sigh. i need to do a proper version of this prompt… its along the lines of like “if you didnt have to worry, what would you do?” id make art and have a little business off of it, but id have a nice career and cute husband and some kids in the future. thats the practical dream right?
but for now, before the kids and the husband (who ill meet along the way), i start my studio, and i make stuff and i have fun. i work hard in law school, land a decent job, and stream and make vlogs and try out hobbies and get skills. i turn the studio in a real physical place with enough room for all the supplies and parts, with multiple areas and desks to be crafty or geeky and its decorated CUTEEEE. it has all my merch and my books… it has a mail pick up.. i wouldnt mind an inperson store space… i love love loveeee annie’s physical studio setup at lucky bunny and sprinkle trinkle town. seeing it in person during the lads valentines event i was like. oh my god. this is real and possible. in my mind… zoomieyo is like a blend of annie’s and ren’s and ru’s and so so many others… i think about tuzi.studio too. GUAAAAAAA. IF THEY CAN DO IT!!! WHY CANT I!!!!!!!!! big enough to make a little money from it, but not so big that its my… whole life?? i dont want to lose the creative spark to having to please a bunch of people. i just want to make stuff and have fun and it be self sustaining that i can do it as much as i want!!!!!!
okay… the fever has left me. this is what i mean when i say i want to be cooler… to do cool things… now the question is, whats the first step to making it happen….
no subject
Date: 2026-04-23 03:38 am (UTC)Cool :0
Good luck!!!!!!
Yay for the PC and room :cheer: The most I've done to my room in the past year was put up posters and cards on the walls lol
I definitely skew towards not thinking/talking about my dreams enough. It's somewhat that I don't think they're realistic for me and thus not worth seriously discussing when someone asks what my plans are, but the bigger reason is simply that I forget. I'm very much the type who is unlikely to actively think about something if I don't experience it everyday or have a fixation on it.
Real asf, that's one of the big reasons art wasn't my first choice for tertiary schooling. With how much you can learn nowadays without going to school + the fact that I have multiple main interests, it's more reasonable for me to choose a degree that can't be 'substituted' by a portfolio or what-have-you, something that has a lot of roadblocks to practicing alone.
Who knows man, who friggin' knows...