📰 weekly reporter 10.19-10.25
Oct. 26th, 2025 09:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zoomieyo📰 weekly reporter
— reflecting
had the thought: "I wish I was someone who does things, since I feel like I've become someone who doesn't do things anymore (as a result of feeling like I have nothing to report on-incorrect by the way).... maybe I should just rephrase it as 'oh I am someone who does things (the power of active voice, manifestation, woo woo something or other) or maybe.. I'm someone working on doing things.'" and this strange trail of thoughts and interruptions all happened while I was also actively thinking about doing my homework so instead I decided to detail it here. I had a convo with a. about screen time, and I've unfortunately gotten very lax with my screen time limits. especially in the last week, I've been playing on my phone entirely too much. i think this is part of the source of my bad mood this last week, as well as not eating enough, some life stress, and some work stress. I don't really like to share my bad moods with others (except for here, when I complain on reporter, or in the scribbles and misc tag) but that also means that I pull away... and apparently text different. a. called me out and lo and behold, talking about your feelings actually makes you feel better. anyway, let's loop back to my initial reflection.
I feel the creative gaping hole still. I spend too much time on my phone: 6h and 48m on avg for a whooping 47h and 39m for the week. how embarrassing. I'm sure I could also pull some garmin stats and connect some more dots with shitty sleep schedule and high stress too. it feels daunting with all the things I want to do honestly. I feel like I'm floundering and unfocused. I can't make a decision on what direction to go, which would be better than not making any decisions at all. what would I do differently? what do I want to do? really, I know the answers to these questions. I just don't do anything about them... because I've become lazy and someone who doesn't do things. it's really as simple as starting to do things again, right? blah blah, whats the smallest step you can take etc etc. but maybe that isn't creating enough momentum for it to sustain itself, so I should probably do something big to kickstart the direction, and see where it goes. sometimes things/habits fall into place after you commit to a direction, because then you have to course correct to keep up the momentum.
— enjoying
I took two walks this week during lunch since the weather was nice. With the weather getting cooler in the middle of the day, I might try to get some extra steps in with a 15 min walk after I eat. I'm also starting to notice that my legs are looking good!! I went to a couple halloween parties with a. and we took a ton of pictures (also fun) and noticed that my quads are starting to get some definition yay!
— playing
maybe the other reason I've been in a bad mood is that I have not been playing enough. I think I need to just put the phone away and start playing on my switch again before bed. (probably a bad idea for my sleep cycle) I just think I've been scrolling entirely too much and it's so easy to do when I have my phone in bed with me.
no gaming updates :c
— obsessing
my three year dream of dressing as an alien and painting myself green has finally come true!!!!! went to a monster themed party yesterday (which was SO FUN) and got a bunch of cute pictures and finally got to paint my body. it wasn't too hard to get the paint on, but i doooo kindaaaaaa wishhhhhhh thaaatttt maybeeeee I got to do more paint. but I also realized why some bodypainters wear what they wear in terms of minimizing having to paint. anyway, i need more excuses to do bodypaint bc it was actually soooo fun. for my other costume, I thrifted this strange long silky nightgown thing for $5. thank you wednesday sale ad. the people at the store told me that it might have a stain or a tear or a hole but I didn't seen anything on it (maybe it was missing a button but it didnt bother me) which is why it was $5. BUT the costume was samara/sadako from the ring. the theme of that party was horror movie characters!! for the most part people were like "what are you?" since its hard to socialize with your hair in your face. but once i pulled it all forward they'd go "oh! the girl from the ring!" or "that's scary!" so it went over well after.
— recommending
really enjoyed this newsletter. been watching a lot of reels from will burkart on instagram, but I also got distracted by this recipe when I went to go grab the link. a nice poem.
— treating
on my walks, I bought a little chocolate cake slice (it was only ok. 6/10 not chocolately enough) and a hot apple cider drink (i was very disappointed. it tasted like water 4/10.) I also got treated to a brownie cookie that was super good (7/10). at the horror movie party, I had some really good spiked punch and a tequila shot that was awesome (but needed salt). it was potluck style so I ate pizza, texas roadhouse rolls, and one of those softbaked cookies you can get from like walmart. at the monster party, they had a local taco food truck where I got an awesome chicken quesadilla. i did jello shots and had an okay margarita. i ended the night with a tiny cherry coke.
— encountering
I haven't really had an appetite this week and I've felt in the dumps. the weather got cooler and its starting to get darker earlier so I think it's time to get back on the vitamin regime. I also want to order some bcaas... maybe I'll try a different brand now that I think about it. I want to get back on the creatine/bcaa stack that I was doing around this time last year.
— restoring
I took a lot of rest days from the gym this week and hit some light cardio this morning. I also took a huge rainy day nap on saturday that was literally so awesome. I might have also found a new workout split I wanna start following!!!!
media recap
📚 reading: henrik karlsson newsletter. my physical copies of derek sivers books came in this week... mahoyaku had a huge translation masterlist update that I should probably use to catch up on....📺 watching: just youtube let's plays... and more reels.....
🎵 listening: happy ten year anniversary to pain/ache/loving by hunny! still listening to jvb.... probably need to do some listening for the concert I'm going to on halloween.... been rolling around the idea of a workout playlist with black pontiac, jvb, and waterparks....
🎮 playing: considering getting the new pokemon game... saw that atelier ryza is getting a dx pack....... im pretty sure i missed abysm sovereign sylus in lads #whoops (just checked and I have 11hr lfg)
📥 editors recap
I'm pretty sure I ripped this from somewhere... likely henrik karlsson? actually i went and looked and its simon sarris I think in either breadcrumbs or familiarity and belonging. but I thought it might have been in looking for alice. idk maybe its a combo of all of them. these are all also on the recommended reading for getting me. there's also some other text that I need to do some digging for (its on tumblr im pretty sure. (update: I could not find it on twitter or tumblr. i have no idea where it is... pinterest....???)) about not looking cool when youre on your phone. uhm but. this specific phrase has been occupying my mind since a convo with a. on 10.14 where I say "speaking about chaos... I keep thinking I need to do more interesting things in my life: 1) for reporter for the blog and 2) for our girls nights [like what? -a.] all kinds of random things... increasing the surface area for luck. that kinda stuff- living more. im afraid of doing that (posting about projects).. and then im like. if she can do it, why cant i?"
so then I sit and ruminate on it a while... and I don't know how to make the change? wordless thought got me really thinking about it... specifically the lines:
if you put words to distressing feelings, for example, the language-oriented parts of your brain inhibit the amygdala, which reduces the emotional distress.
it just makes me think of the recommendation of the artist way to do the 3 pages of stream of consciousness journaling, of mystery schools recommendation of a daily practice, of how I'm.... not really doing anything creative day to day. how I'm not dreaming of something bigger, or working on some project. I know there's seasons for everything but I just feel like I'm always dragging my feet on doing the stuff I want? I can easily work towards career goals, or school goals, or some external goal... but what do I do for my dream of the studio? or the little projects and dreams I have? the random tangents and experiments? how do I get myself to work on those in the downtime? how do I make it attractive and external and something to work on? is it even something I want? do I really just want to spend all my time on social media, passively scrolling? what else do I want to do instead? oh goodness this is so harsh but well. i guess I gotta get it out of my system. did this even make any sense.
please see this related tweet
on writing — current musings — stats report — cultivation, curation, creation —
on writing
been considering getting back into the artist way to help kinda redevelop some structure and inject that idea of doing back into my life... also considering atomic habits because an artist i follow posted about it on his instagram story recently.
current musings: homework procrastination
you know that feeling when you get tired of laying around so you have to do something.... and theres something you should be doing (homework) but you dont wanna do that either... so you kinda wander around without doing anything. glad i squashed that by writing reporter tonight. the homework isnt hard its just annoying. after i finish up here I'll do my homework... and then pull for sylus.... T_T
update 10:30 pm: man. it only took me like an hour tops to get this homework done why did i put it off!!!!!!
📊 stats report
— last weeks goals
▣ homework (procrastined by writing reporter)
☑ costume for friday halloween party
☒ organize bathroom (made it messier by my halloween costume)
— 3 goals for the upcoming week
☐ put together a pinboard
☐ journal about frustrations
☐ start vitamin regimen
i love pinterest. i went on a little deep dive on inspiration for the studio and while it kinda triggered that "what the hell am i doing why arent i working on anything" feeling, it also reminded me that i have the capacity to do things if i want to... that its possible. reminded me how much i love pottery and how much i miss doing it.
i dont think i talked about this, but I really want to turn this little 3 ring binder I have into a travel notebook in my purse. my planner set doesnt really fit in there, and it's honestly inspired by these little binders but I think I wanna also put in one of my short blackwings or maybe get a little mini pen to clip on it. you dont look cool when youre on your phone.
I think next year, I'd like to do some work in more techy spheres. I'd like to learn about blender, and the raspberry pi, and I'd really like to follow derek sivers guide to tech independence. I think I've hesitated on doing this because I still haven't built my pc >_<
- Current Mood:
frustrated
