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zoomieyoI didn't wanna write a whole reporter (cuz i've been down in the dumps writing wise) but then I remembered by beloved #scribbles tag so heres like 2.4k of rambling. enjoyyyyy.
1. running up that hill
for the month of september, I set myself a goal to run ten 1-mile laps. based on some post I can't find anymore talking about how you just need to do 10 shitty runs and by the 11th you're a runner and it just clicks. or something like that. but it was put in my head by this guy's reel about gaslighting yourself into running.
I love it and hate it, running that is. I'm sitting at 8 completed runs, and I won't be able to run again until tuesday- but I need the rest after an eventful weekend (and some overtraining). I'm at a 12 minute mile- a combo of running and walking- and I'd love to: 1. be able to run the whole mile, and 2. have a 10 minute mile. by my 3rd or 4th run, I was thinking "you know, I actually kinda like this running thing." so with me successfully Into Running tm, I decided I had to up the ante and try to actually watch my stats and stuff. the initial goal was to do my 10 shitty runs every other day for the month of september and then decide if I wanted to keep going. after I hit my ten runs, I'd like to go to a running store and get my foot measured and get some running shoe recommends based on stride etc etc. I have a variety of athletic shoes (bc I love to get a discount, and I'm in the gym all the time) so I've been swapping between them. I really like the altra's right now, and I was not a huge fan of the brooks. I notice I like a flatter shoe.
I don't run with music either. I keep it pretty light since it's just a 1 mile run around my neighborhood. I leave my phone at home, turn on my garmin and just get out there and run. the loop around the neighborhood is not like a flat loop and there's a big ass hill right off the bat so I'm always running up that hill. I wear these silly goggles I got for rock climbing too. anyway, its been a fun way to mix up my working out and man the garmin gives you some awesome stats for your runs.
2. being young hot and single in your mid 20s is the most fun a girl can have x
i would have actually preferred to link "there are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. this is the world we are living in now" but op privated their account :(
so I've been on hinge. and man. do I love getting dressed up to go out and looking fine as hell. only to have this man show up in jeans and t shirt.... hinge is rotting my soul though so I need to delete it and just. stop looking. which is the advice everyone gives but you know I really just... sigh I was gonna make some excuse as to why its different but girl, I know its not. anyway. dressing up nice and looking nice and wearing my contacts more is starting to bleed into my lazy everyday style and I've delusionally decided that I need to actually just dress up cuter in general, so I can feel great because I'm young and hot and single so why shouldnt i. and if I'm going to magically meet my future husband (when I've stopped looking for it and just accepted that wow! I'm happy by myself) then I need to look the part. anyway. girl who is delusional but its fine. im not worried about it really. I do wish to have my special someone :) but it will come when I'm ready. being obsessive about it isn't worth it when I have so much else going on anyway.
3. hobonichi month :)
my hobonichi order came in recently! I'm super excited to use the tamagotchi weeks I got for next year, and I kinda splurged and also got the avec style books. I didn't get a specific case for them because none really caught my eye. I'd like to start doing more deco stuff and doing like art spreads? which is why I got the avecs. I'd also really like to do more common placing stuff in my weeks. so I need to charge my mini printers and get all my stickers and stuff together in a cute way so i can actually make it happen. i usually get all twisted up about not having filled up my notebooks recently, so I'm trying to reframe from guilt and just say, oh wow! I get to do this now! so this is what I should do:
I'm waiting on a restock for the fancy pens they have that are color coordinated with the printing they do in the book. I got the july-december set, but missed the january-june set. buuuut I'm considering getting either clear cases or a tragen case for the avecs, and one of the ice cream print pouches soooo.... I'll probably be putting in another order since I'm ridiculous. part of me wants to get into filofaxes since I love the binder look and the pocket storage but I just know I wont use it AND i have a cute mini binder anyway. I think one of the regular avec cases would probably alleviate this, but I just dont think any of them are cute enough!!!!!! I like the tragen set a lot, but it doesnt have the same wallet pouch style thing that the filofax has.
4. WOAHLY SHIT NEW ZAYNE MYTH UUUWWAAAA
opened instagram to find a real about sisphian tasks (cleaning, laundry, eating right) and was instead greeted by ZAYNES NEW GORGEOUS FACE WOWWWWWW. i havent been playing much lads, pretty much slowed down with the beach banner but this might pull me back in. theres a rerun on the first multi of the game (og 3) that I'm semi interested in but WOWZERS THE NEW MYTH AAAAAWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO
5. we push our rock up the hill x
my room is always a mess and man it fucks me up sooo bad. I finally got rid of clothes mountain last weekend, but I still need to fold up my jeans and put away a basket of all my socks (i hate matching socks). then the desk is a hot disaster area, so I cant even really do homework or projects comfortably, and then theres the abandoned projects corner and the side of my bed that is inaccessable bc I have a big ass pc case box (another unfinished project). I'm stuffed into this tiny room and I could resolve it but man. I dont wanna clean on the weekend and I dont wanna clean after work either.
6. it always comes back to effort
been ruminating pretty much the whole months of august and september and its because I'm not doing enough to chase my dreams. Its a slower walk that I want to admit (I'm working a full time job, I'm in graduate school, I still have a social life somehow, Im obsessed with the gym) but I feel like something is missing honestly.
I've been wanting to get back into streaming (need to build my pc first), or doing vlogs, or posting on instagram... writing reporter, working on projects.. see the common theme here? I'm not being creative enough and according to some, this is why I'm obsessed with dating... because I'm trying to fill that void. mirrored above as well... I like putting effort into my looks when I go out on dates, love feeling cute etc etc. so hahahahaha. the realization strikes and wow! I'm not putting enough effort into my creative habits, nor my day to day looks, or my nutrition or any number of areas in my life. I want to explode. (work on your negative self talk!)
there is no grand change. its a gradual step by step kind of thing that happens over time. its much slower than I want it to be. I keep saying I want to outline things but I clam up. maybe if I just sigh about it enough in a blog post, I'll actually be able to talk about it. what I should do first is take the time to really clean my room and probably use the vaccuum storage bags. hang up that little pegboard I bought and make a plan for what I want to do with the pinboards I have. maybe rearrange if I can get a good layout. after that, I need to build my pc, which comes with the pre-requisite of paying down both my credit cards. which halfway necessitates a budget? then theres the health/workout programming side of stuff- am I getting enough sleep (no), am I fueling enough (no, I actually started tracking my eating too and I'm underfed), do I have a good workout program in place (ehhh... I need to build out a leg program for the current split I have going, and I need to find a mobility/flexibility and stretching routine I can follow. also need to incorporate more abs. and add weight on my leg program). sighhh there's also a desire for habit consistency... I miss writing for the blog every week, and I miss writing in my journal. I wanna learn to play a song on the bass again after forever. I wanna actually practice japanese in a meaningful way. why do I not nourish the creative part of me. maybe I should get back into mystery school/make art not content stuff... or maybe do the artists way again, and actually finish it?
7. shopaholic tendencies
is it really a zoomieyo blog post if I dont talk about what I want to buy. ninja creami swirl still at the top of the list btw. I also think I might invest in a nice hairdryer (im considering either the fancy shark set with a bunch of attachments, or a baybliss or a hotworks (?) i was looking at them at ulta and got some recs from the lady there). considering on stocking up on that strawberry bodywash and my current black cherry glossier obsession. thinking about trying out some of the pepper bras too. we have a build a bear at the mall and theres one of those giant pompompurins that I want to get. I miss buying plushies too... of course assorted stickers, pins, stationery, merch, things at any given time. oh! i'm considering a foray into the silhouette printers and making stickers at home too ahahahaha. also. on my list is to get some sexy jeans and sexy jean shorts.
8. on dreams of internet fame
under the effort one I kinda talked about streaming etc... but the biggest worry that comes up is like. are people going to even watch it. and then I argue back with myself about "if you dont actually achieve any fame, do you want to do it?" and its a yes no. I want to make stuff and do stuff and document it... and it would be cool to get a little traction... at least enough to be able to do more of it so it pays its own bills. so then its "well why arent you doing it now if you think it would just be for fun?" and then it spirals into not being good enough and related negative self talk.
as an aside and distraction from this negative self talk, my foot fell asleep because I had it crossed under me and I tried so hard not to move it so it wouldn't lock up and hurt but unfortunately I am writing through the foot falling asleep pain. I tried to explain this to someone once and they thought I was crazy. when your foot falls asleep... does it hurt? its like the equivalent of static on the tv kind of pins and needles all over pain. i do not like it at all.
anyway, so I get all in my head about it and it feels so dumb because I kept this blog for the longest time and I'm pretty sure no one read it but I still had fun writing it. and documenting my life. so uh. I guess I should just fuckin put in the effort and do it right. maybe let go of the need to be internet famous. its cringe anyway.
9. ready for bed
I'm pretty proud of this title ngl. and I realized I've been 26 for a little over a month now, woaw. there's that little woaw sparkly sound effect that I've been really digging in reels lately. thinking about the unfolding of the rest of my life. all this stuff feels so big and daunting and its really not when theres much bigger things out there. I'll make it through it all. i should probably go to bed. I was gonna do a recap questions thread I saw on twitter under one of these heading but I'll save it for its own post. maybe I'll work on writing it tomorrow at lunch.
10. media
been obsessed with joey valence & brae, loving the new waterparks stuff, found a couple new artists recently too. want to buy tickets to concerts for jvb and parx. watched a couple of hobonichi weeks vids on youtube, and been watching psjr play vintage story in my downtime. need to catch up on my lads backlog, probably need to read a real book soon. maybe watch something too. oh. my mom has gotten into kdramas on netflix so I was watching bits and pieces of alchemy of souls.
blah blah blah. i feel so much better after this. ive been all bent out of shape but I'll get through it. I'm just happy I wrote tonight- writing always makes me feel better but sometimes having to face all the mental stuff you let pile up in your mind and writing it all out makes me feel so silly. like what do I actually have to worry about. anyway. heres to writing and the rest of my life. lets go be 26 and enjoy it (^_^)b
1. running up that hill
for the month of september, I set myself a goal to run ten 1-mile laps. based on some post I can't find anymore talking about how you just need to do 10 shitty runs and by the 11th you're a runner and it just clicks. or something like that. but it was put in my head by this guy's reel about gaslighting yourself into running.
I love it and hate it, running that is. I'm sitting at 8 completed runs, and I won't be able to run again until tuesday- but I need the rest after an eventful weekend (and some overtraining). I'm at a 12 minute mile- a combo of running and walking- and I'd love to: 1. be able to run the whole mile, and 2. have a 10 minute mile. by my 3rd or 4th run, I was thinking "you know, I actually kinda like this running thing." so with me successfully Into Running tm, I decided I had to up the ante and try to actually watch my stats and stuff. the initial goal was to do my 10 shitty runs every other day for the month of september and then decide if I wanted to keep going. after I hit my ten runs, I'd like to go to a running store and get my foot measured and get some running shoe recommends based on stride etc etc. I have a variety of athletic shoes (bc I love to get a discount, and I'm in the gym all the time) so I've been swapping between them. I really like the altra's right now, and I was not a huge fan of the brooks. I notice I like a flatter shoe.
I don't run with music either. I keep it pretty light since it's just a 1 mile run around my neighborhood. I leave my phone at home, turn on my garmin and just get out there and run. the loop around the neighborhood is not like a flat loop and there's a big ass hill right off the bat so I'm always running up that hill. I wear these silly goggles I got for rock climbing too. anyway, its been a fun way to mix up my working out and man the garmin gives you some awesome stats for your runs.
2. being young hot and single in your mid 20s is the most fun a girl can have x
i would have actually preferred to link "there are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. this is the world we are living in now" but op privated their account :(
so I've been on hinge. and man. do I love getting dressed up to go out and looking fine as hell. only to have this man show up in jeans and t shirt.... hinge is rotting my soul though so I need to delete it and just. stop looking. which is the advice everyone gives but you know I really just... sigh I was gonna make some excuse as to why its different but girl, I know its not. anyway. dressing up nice and looking nice and wearing my contacts more is starting to bleed into my lazy everyday style and I've delusionally decided that I need to actually just dress up cuter in general, so I can feel great because I'm young and hot and single so why shouldnt i. and if I'm going to magically meet my future husband (when I've stopped looking for it and just accepted that wow! I'm happy by myself) then I need to look the part. anyway. girl who is delusional but its fine. im not worried about it really. I do wish to have my special someone :) but it will come when I'm ready. being obsessive about it isn't worth it when I have so much else going on anyway.
3. hobonichi month :)
my hobonichi order came in recently! I'm super excited to use the tamagotchi weeks I got for next year, and I kinda splurged and also got the avec style books. I didn't get a specific case for them because none really caught my eye. I'd like to start doing more deco stuff and doing like art spreads? which is why I got the avecs. I'd also really like to do more common placing stuff in my weeks. so I need to charge my mini printers and get all my stickers and stuff together in a cute way so i can actually make it happen. i usually get all twisted up about not having filled up my notebooks recently, so I'm trying to reframe from guilt and just say, oh wow! I get to do this now! so this is what I should do:
I'm waiting on a restock for the fancy pens they have that are color coordinated with the printing they do in the book. I got the july-december set, but missed the january-june set. buuuut I'm considering getting either clear cases or a tragen case for the avecs, and one of the ice cream print pouches soooo.... I'll probably be putting in another order since I'm ridiculous. part of me wants to get into filofaxes since I love the binder look and the pocket storage but I just know I wont use it AND i have a cute mini binder anyway. I think one of the regular avec cases would probably alleviate this, but I just dont think any of them are cute enough!!!!!! I like the tragen set a lot, but it doesnt have the same wallet pouch style thing that the filofax has.
4. WOAHLY SHIT NEW ZAYNE MYTH UUUWWAAAA
opened instagram to find a real about sisphian tasks (cleaning, laundry, eating right) and was instead greeted by ZAYNES NEW GORGEOUS FACE WOWWWWWW. i havent been playing much lads, pretty much slowed down with the beach banner but this might pull me back in. theres a rerun on the first multi of the game (og 3) that I'm semi interested in but WOWZERS THE NEW MYTH AAAAAWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO
5. we push our rock up the hill x
my room is always a mess and man it fucks me up sooo bad. I finally got rid of clothes mountain last weekend, but I still need to fold up my jeans and put away a basket of all my socks (i hate matching socks). then the desk is a hot disaster area, so I cant even really do homework or projects comfortably, and then theres the abandoned projects corner and the side of my bed that is inaccessable bc I have a big ass pc case box (another unfinished project). I'm stuffed into this tiny room and I could resolve it but man. I dont wanna clean on the weekend and I dont wanna clean after work either.
6. it always comes back to effort
been ruminating pretty much the whole months of august and september and its because I'm not doing enough to chase my dreams. Its a slower walk that I want to admit (I'm working a full time job, I'm in graduate school, I still have a social life somehow, Im obsessed with the gym) but I feel like something is missing honestly.
I've been wanting to get back into streaming (need to build my pc first), or doing vlogs, or posting on instagram... writing reporter, working on projects.. see the common theme here? I'm not being creative enough and according to some, this is why I'm obsessed with dating... because I'm trying to fill that void. mirrored above as well... I like putting effort into my looks when I go out on dates, love feeling cute etc etc. so hahahahaha. the realization strikes and wow! I'm not putting enough effort into my creative habits, nor my day to day looks, or my nutrition or any number of areas in my life. I want to explode. (work on your negative self talk!)
there is no grand change. its a gradual step by step kind of thing that happens over time. its much slower than I want it to be. I keep saying I want to outline things but I clam up. maybe if I just sigh about it enough in a blog post, I'll actually be able to talk about it. what I should do first is take the time to really clean my room and probably use the vaccuum storage bags. hang up that little pegboard I bought and make a plan for what I want to do with the pinboards I have. maybe rearrange if I can get a good layout. after that, I need to build my pc, which comes with the pre-requisite of paying down both my credit cards. which halfway necessitates a budget? then theres the health/workout programming side of stuff- am I getting enough sleep (no), am I fueling enough (no, I actually started tracking my eating too and I'm underfed), do I have a good workout program in place (ehhh... I need to build out a leg program for the current split I have going, and I need to find a mobility/flexibility and stretching routine I can follow. also need to incorporate more abs. and add weight on my leg program). sighhh there's also a desire for habit consistency... I miss writing for the blog every week, and I miss writing in my journal. I wanna learn to play a song on the bass again after forever. I wanna actually practice japanese in a meaningful way. why do I not nourish the creative part of me. maybe I should get back into mystery school/make art not content stuff... or maybe do the artists way again, and actually finish it?
7. shopaholic tendencies
is it really a zoomieyo blog post if I dont talk about what I want to buy. ninja creami swirl still at the top of the list btw. I also think I might invest in a nice hairdryer (im considering either the fancy shark set with a bunch of attachments, or a baybliss or a hotworks (?) i was looking at them at ulta and got some recs from the lady there). considering on stocking up on that strawberry bodywash and my current black cherry glossier obsession. thinking about trying out some of the pepper bras too. we have a build a bear at the mall and theres one of those giant pompompurins that I want to get. I miss buying plushies too... of course assorted stickers, pins, stationery, merch, things at any given time. oh! i'm considering a foray into the silhouette printers and making stickers at home too ahahahaha. also. on my list is to get some sexy jeans and sexy jean shorts.
8. on dreams of internet fame
under the effort one I kinda talked about streaming etc... but the biggest worry that comes up is like. are people going to even watch it. and then I argue back with myself about "if you dont actually achieve any fame, do you want to do it?" and its a yes no. I want to make stuff and do stuff and document it... and it would be cool to get a little traction... at least enough to be able to do more of it so it pays its own bills. so then its "well why arent you doing it now if you think it would just be for fun?" and then it spirals into not being good enough and related negative self talk.
as an aside and distraction from this negative self talk, my foot fell asleep because I had it crossed under me and I tried so hard not to move it so it wouldn't lock up and hurt but unfortunately I am writing through the foot falling asleep pain. I tried to explain this to someone once and they thought I was crazy. when your foot falls asleep... does it hurt? its like the equivalent of static on the tv kind of pins and needles all over pain. i do not like it at all.
anyway, so I get all in my head about it and it feels so dumb because I kept this blog for the longest time and I'm pretty sure no one read it but I still had fun writing it. and documenting my life. so uh. I guess I should just fuckin put in the effort and do it right. maybe let go of the need to be internet famous. its cringe anyway.
9. ready for bed
I'm pretty proud of this title ngl. and I realized I've been 26 for a little over a month now, woaw. there's that little woaw sparkly sound effect that I've been really digging in reels lately. thinking about the unfolding of the rest of my life. all this stuff feels so big and daunting and its really not when theres much bigger things out there. I'll make it through it all. i should probably go to bed. I was gonna do a recap questions thread I saw on twitter under one of these heading but I'll save it for its own post. maybe I'll work on writing it tomorrow at lunch.
10. media
been obsessed with joey valence & brae, loving the new waterparks stuff, found a couple new artists recently too. want to buy tickets to concerts for jvb and parx. watched a couple of hobonichi weeks vids on youtube, and been watching psjr play vintage story in my downtime. need to catch up on my lads backlog, probably need to read a real book soon. maybe watch something too. oh. my mom has gotten into kdramas on netflix so I was watching bits and pieces of alchemy of souls.
blah blah blah. i feel so much better after this. ive been all bent out of shape but I'll get through it. I'm just happy I wrote tonight- writing always makes me feel better but sometimes having to face all the mental stuff you let pile up in your mind and writing it all out makes me feel so silly. like what do I actually have to worry about. anyway. heres to writing and the rest of my life. lets go be 26 and enjoy it (^_^)b
